


Since We Met

by chichirichick



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 35,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28818270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chichirichick/pseuds/chichirichick
Summary: Together, Soul and Maka have cultivated years' worth of memories, but what would happen if Maka lost every moment between the two of them? Will Soul shut down or stand up?
Relationships: Maka Albarn & Soul Eater Evans, Maka Albarn/Soul Eater Evans
Comments: 26
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

"She should forget everything after the moment she first saw him."

"You ever read _The Monkey's Paw_?"

"This isn't English class - I'm not asking for reading recommendations. I'm saying that girl doesn't deserve to have memories of him."

"Wouldn't it be easier to make the guy forget?"

"I'd never do anything to hurt _Soul_ , it's just - Albarn. She's the problem. She's the one who deserves this."

"Suit yourself."

"So?"

"So."

"When?"

"Lunchtime tomorrow."

* * *

Soul was focused on her smile, Maka's face turned back to him in the stairwell as they descended from the roof. For a second he was sure he was about to get one of those world-famous Maka eye-rolls - for _what_ he wasn't sure since nothing ludicrous had come from his mouth _yet_ \- but those green orbs only started the rotation and her eyelids suddenly stole the show, batting shut. He watched her knees buckle and his arm jutted out just in time, grabbing her wrist to yank her like a ragdoll towards his chest. Maka was deadweight, simply taking the momentum of his pull and smashing into him, throwing Soul back against the stairs to take a hard seat with cement digging into his spine.

All he allowed was a grunt before the panic saturated into his voice, "Maka?" He fumbled the unresponsive body in his lap, grasping her throat to stop her head from lolling away from him. "Maka?" Without much thought or hesitation, he slid his hand back into her hair, cradling her neck and keeping her face on his. "Hey, Maka, come on," a frantic octave was squealing from his throat. This wasn't a battlefield. They weren't surrounded by enemies. They were at DMWA, safe, sound, and she was somehow _not_.

A withering groan finally escaped from her lips.

"Maka?" It was the final shot he was going to take before he was going to have to ignore the ache of his back and bring them to standing. He was just sliding his hands under her legs when the flutter of her eyelids caught in the corner of his eye. "Maka!"

There they were, jade starting a slow blink up at him.

"Fucking _shit_ ," he muttered. "Next time you gotta listen to me when I say you didn't eat enough, you hear me? Practically broke my fucking back trying to catch you."

Maka's eyebrows furrowed and while he expected some biting comment back her hands shot out into his chest.

"Hey," Soul struggled against her arms, trying to keep her steady. "What the hell are you trying to do? I'm gonna drop you-"

"Let me go!" Her eyes widened in terror, expansive white shining as her fists dug into his chest while her legs kicked.

"Maka-" The desperate wriggling left him with no choice but Soul at least tried to control the slide, grabbing her leg to slow the thud of her ass down to the bottom of the steps. Even with the help, Maka was still kicking out of his grip, forcing herself back onto the landing. "Maka, _come on_ -"

"Who are you?" Her voice was a tight, panic shriek, the one he thought was reserved for those moments when Death was knocking on their door.

"What?" A hesitant, shaky laugh left his lips. "You - you hit your head or somethin'?"

"No," she shook it firmly as if to prove its constitution. "Who are you and why were you touching me?"

"Maka-"

"That's my name but I don't _know_ you."

"I caught you," the words were barely alive on his lips, another dumb, pained laugh bubbling from the ache in his gut. "You fainted, Maka - we finished lunch, came down, and you fainted."

"But who the hell are you?" she charged again with such a fury that all of Soul's muscles clenched.

For a delirious moment, Soul Evans almost had to ask himself that question, the logic of it completely lost on him because the only answer that could come to his mind was: _If Maka Albarn doesn't know the answer to that how the hell am I supposed to?_ "I'm… Soul, Soul Evans, your _partner._ "

"I don't have a partner," Maka let her lip tremble for a moment before stuffing it between her teeth.

His fingers turned white as he clenched them tightly into the unrelenting stone of the stairs. He saw the futility of it sitting on her face but he couldn't stop the frantic plea from his lips, "We've been partners for _\- for fucking forever_ , Maka."

"I don't know you," came as a shuddering repeat.

 _No, no, no,_ pattered along with the wild sputter of his heart. _No, Maka, you know me, stop joking around, stop looking at me like that, stop, stop, stop, stop-_

"What's all the noise?" Black Star's face popped over the side of the stairs, eyes lingering between Soul and Maka.

"Black Star!" Maka was frantically on her feet, getting to his side to almost hide behind his shoulder.

"Huh?" Black Star grimaced at her before sending a questioning look back at Soul. "What'd you do?"

Soul's lips fell open but nothing came out, the horror still clutching firmly to his throat.

After finding Soul useless, Black Star fielded the question back towards Maka. "What'd he do?"

"He grabbed me! He said that he was my partner, but- _I don't have a partner_ ," she hissed at Black Star.

Soul watched the same confusion wash over Black Star's face, just without the utter abject horror. "Maka, what are you talking about?"

"She remembers you," Soul muttered weakly. "Somehow she remembers you, but not me?"

Black Star was in the midst of rolling his eyes. "That's-"

"I grew up with Black Star," Maka seemed to defend as she narrowed her eyes at Soul.

"Well, yeah," Black Star blinked a look between the two of them again. "Maka, seriously, Soul-" He shot a hand out at the withering boy on the stairs. "Your partner, you don't know him?"

" _I don't have a partner,_ " Maka pressed out between her teeth in another desperate rush.

 _I don't have a partner. I don't have a partner. I don't have a partner!_ Each one became a louder scream in Soul's mind as he stared at green eyes that read nothing of their years together. "She- we need to get her to Stein," he croaked.

"Hell yeah," but Black Star's tone was nowhere near his usual bark, just a drifting quizzical addition. "Come on, Maks, let's go see Stein…"

* * *

_It's like being in a waiting room but instead of that bad elevator music I'm trapped listening to my own voice saying things I wouldn't say - shouldn't say - and slowly tearing away at the things I've built. I can only watch her - me! - pluck little bits of his heart out and be powerless to stop it. I can stand here in this gray room and shout his name until I'm hoarse but she still just keeps ripping through the mire, making each moment another of helpless agony for me._

_I watched Soul break as she, that other terrible me driving my body, said that she didn't have a partner. I watched him scared, hurt, panicked and I've never been so utterly powerless. All I could do was beg, plead not to do this to him, not to abandon that person who'd only been left behind - not to ignore the boy who'd spent his youth being ignored. Whose worst nightmare was this? His or mine?_

* * *

Chaos was the closest comparison Stein could make and while he thrived in that kind of madness this moment wasn't exactly his forte especially as the girl he was so used to seeing courageously striding into his office was now nothing more than a cornered animal. "Maka, Black Star," Stein started but didn't have to get much further with Black Star in the lead.

"Something's wrong with her," he piped as he tossed a thumb in her direction.

"Nothing's _wrong_ with me," Maka hissed back.

Black Star scoffed before shaking his head, "She _forgot_ Soul."

That short sentence hit each one in the room differently but none harder than the scarlet eyed boy who was barely squeezing through the door behind them. It was obvious Soul was trying to stay off the radar but the wince, the physical wave that Stein saw ripple, or more so tear through his spiky soul made Stein's eyes latch instantly to him. "Soul, what happened?"

His throat cleared with a gravely rumble. "She just… passed out and when she woke up." A lifeless hand barely wafted in Maka's directions as his empty stare fell to the floor.

Stein breathed out slowly, an even set to his jaw as he transferred eyes between the two. "Black Star, go get Spirit and Marie."

Black Star sucked in a breath to air complaint but one glance at the miserable mass that was Soul silenced it, instead his feet stomping back the way they came.

"Maka," Stein started methodically, "what do you remember?"

"Um…" Maka paused for inspiration.

 _I remember hurting him,_ the Maka trapped behind her eyes groaned. _I remember having lunch, just like always, teasing, smirking, but still doting in that quiet way of his. And now-_

"I remember coming to school - Papa dropped me off - and I was supposed to be going to orientation, but he-" Maka cut herself off as her eyes started towards Soul but stopped, ticking back instantly to Stein.

"Orientation for what?" Stein leaned closer, his eyebrows starting to slightly lift.

"Orientation," Maka shook her head in disbelief, "I'm just starting as a meister."

Soul's head popped to attention. "Starting?"

"That's why I said I don't have a partner," Maka intoned sharply, "because I _don't_."

 _Please, stop saying that to him!_ Maka cried from that grey room. _Please, look at him! See that it's hurting him and stop!_ Each cry thudded uselessly between them.

Stein's head only tilted before he continued, "You said you came in with Spirit - you're living with him?"

Maka let out a twittering laugh, "Of course, where else would I be living?"

The muscles in Soul's hand popped into a fist. "Your mom - does she live with you?"

The chill in his voice froze her, Maka's eyes darting to Stein who simply nodded reassurance. "Well… yes, Mama and Papa both…" But her lip worked between her teeth to finish.

"She's known Black Star since she was a child," Stein locked eyes on Soul who was still shouldering more towards the wall than the two of them. "So it would make sense that she knows him but it seems as if Maka may have forgotten everything since, well, I would say since the morning of the day you were supposed to meet."

"What?" Maka snapped. "Professor Stein, I-"

"Maka, listen, please." While there was no imploring there, just a cold, steady tone, Maka was shocked into silence by the word alone. "That boy behind you, Soul Evans, is your partner, _has_ been your partner for a number of years. You've made him into a death scythe."

Maka let out a delirious little laugh, " _Me?_ I haven't even-"

"Please," dropped helplessly from Soul's lips and while Maka barely heard it the word seemed to strike her just as much from his lips as Stein's.

"Here…" Stein turned slowly back to the desk and rummaged. It took a few tightly wound moments before he turned back to Maka, a small mirror in his hand.

Maka's eyes focused on the reflection. "I, that's not me, is it…?" Suddenly her head was reeling again, and in a heavy moment of deja vu Soul was rushing to grasp her, to keep that ragdoll from hitting the floor again.

"Ah, too much," Stein sighed.

Soul eased down to his knees, cradling a Maka that seemed so far away from him. "Stein…"

"Curse, that's my guess." Stein stood and walked towards the two so he could place a soft hand on his shoulder. "Something's off in her wavelength, can you feel it?"

"Yeah," he croaked.

There were a few beats of icy silence before, "It's going to be hard, Soul."

"Yeah," he echoed lifelessly before upturning a blank face to Stein. "Take her. She'll get scared if she wakes up to me."

Stein nodded slowly as he knelt next to Soul and gathered Maka from his arms.

The absence of her left enough of a weight for him to carry so Soul sat lifeless, watching Maka suck in sleepy breaths as Stein waited.

The door creaked before her eyes opened, Spirit and Marie rushing in a whirlwind of parental protection that made Soul shrink. It was the same explanation once again pounding in his ears. _I'm cut out of her memory. All of it, all of me is gone._ His mind tried to force the addition _gone from her mind_ but his heart wouldn't let it.

"Soul?" Black Star was crouching next to him, almost nose to cheek, and Soul had barely registered it, not even jumping when the reality hit him.

"Yeah…" but it was half-hearted because Soul was channeling most of his energy to stand just in time to view those green eyes blinking open over Spirit's shoulder.

"Maka?" Spirit had taken her from Stein's arms.

"Papa, I don't… I'm confused…" Maka murmured.

"I know, honey, I'm going to take you home…"

"Hey, Soul," Black Star started again.

 _Take her home_ … Soul took a shaking step forward. "What home?"

Spirit only offered half a glance, his eyes barely lingering over his shoulder. "I'm going to take her for now."

"Hey-" Black Star started to bark but Soul's hand shot out, a tight fist just stopping momentum before lightly tapping into Black Star's chest.

"S'fine."

"Like hell, it's-"

"Star," Soul tapped that fist to his sternum again before dropping it weakly to his side. He turned, barely enough momentum to get through the door. Even after his warning, he could hear Black Star's voice buzzing away in the room behind him but Soul couldn't suss it out because everything in his mind was in pieces. _Go back in there, fight for her, take her home, her real home - where she can be scared of you, frightened when you even touch her, can't even look you in the eyes._

Splintery fragments of pain blossomed in his chest and he teetered towards the wall.

"Soul?"

Soft hands came to his arm and for a moment, Soul thought it was all over, that Maka was there and she was holding on to him, keeping him steady, because all she ever did was keep him steady, but as soon as he turned his head it was a higher set of pigtails, eyes he couldn't recognize blinking up at him expectantly. "Sorry, who-"

"Clara," she interrupted with a smile. "Remember, from Maka's meister class?"

Soul slipped from her fingers, sinking his back into the wall. "Don't touch me."

"Sorry, you looked sick, I was just-"

He shook his head with a sigh, "Yeah, no, nevermind." _Not cool, Soul, not cool._ "I just need-"

"Soul!" Black Star was charging out of the room, setting a crash-course between Soul and Clara. "What the hell was that, you dumbass!"

"Sorry," Soul tossed over Black Star's shoulder towards the girl as he was dragged away. The half-assed apology didn't seem to bother her much because Soul could swear he saw a smile as Black Star forced him on their way.


	2. Chapter 2

Claustrophobia was setting in but Soul didn't have the energy to ward off the protective little group of hoverers from him. Sleep had entirely evaded him, the fact that the apartment was _too quiet_ as if her breathing and moving created such calamity in their space keeping his lids from closing. Really, there was no silence - constantly a resounding call in his brain of _I don't have a partner_ to fill every last second.

Obviously Marie was well aware of the problem so leaving Soul to the periphery of weapon's class went without correction but the gaggle of girls was entirely overkill. "Liz, Patty, Tsubaki," Marie reminded not so especially softly.

Patty and Tsubaki dutifully stood, edging back towards the class but Liz stayed put, her shoulder pressed against his as their backs leaned against the wall.

"She's starin' at you," Soul muttered.

"Marie will get over it," Liz huffed as she cast her eyes to the fingers clenched bloodlessly tight in Soul's lap. "Did you see her today?"

Soul shook his head.

Liz sighed, "I know it won't make you feel any better but she doesn't remember me either."

His head clunked to his knees with another blistering breath.

"It hurts," Liz started to pluck the words from his brain. "To have her look at you and just… _look_. Her eyes don't light up, there's no smile beside the one that she just uses as that customer service hello…"

That spurred a dry laugh from him.

Liz sucked in a deep breath, her voice filled with all the urgency she could muster. "She needs to be living with you."

"No," his whisper had none of the strength of hers.

"I'm not asking, Soul," Liz snapped. "I'm telling."

"And I'm tellin' you _no_."

"She's not going to remember if she's not with you," Liz pleaded. "I just know it, I _know_ it's you who-"

"She's scared of me," he pistoned the words off his tongue, letting the vitriol that was undulating in his mind taint each one. One night alone had left him with more than enough.

Liz let that wash over her, heaving it to battle with the muck of her own wants and needs before she reached out her hand, laying it over top of the one on his knee. She interlaced their fingers and sighed out a gale-like breath. "I'm sorry, I want to be empathetic but… I just want to order you to fix it, too. I know it's stupidly hopeful that all it'd take was _you_ but… I'm sorry, I know it's killing you. _Fuck_."

"Fuck," Soul echoed in commiseration as he squeezed her fingers.

"Hey," Black Star's squawk brought Soul's head to attention.

Maka was next to him, raising an awkward hand as Black Star pushed her forward. "I, um…"

"Hey," Soul barely let the word wither off his lips before he started to his feet. Instinct had his hands reaching for her, to at least get a hold of a wrist or an arm to connect them but his mind forced them back into his pockets, leaving Liz's hanging in lost connection. "Uh, you… feeling OK? No more fainting?"

"No, um, _Soul_ , right?"

A stinging nettle latched to his heart but he forced a lopsided smile. "Yeah, Soul 'Eater' Evans."

Black Star nudged her again with a raucous clearing of his throat.

"Stop," Maka hissed back over her shoulder at him.

"Hey, it's OK," Soul tried to shoot that more over her shoulder to Star but he watched the lie fall flat.

"Look, Maka's got Stein's class next and it's _your_ class together, so _take_ her."

"I'm not some kindergartener," Maka protested.

"S'OK," Soul murmured again, that hollow smile clinging strong. "Come on, this way." It was customary to take her hand but he left them jammed deeply against the seams of his jeans. "See ya, Liz."

"Soul Evans," Liz muttered without much power behind it as a huff of exasperation followed.

Star watched after them with a grimace. "This couldn't get any fucking _worse_."

* * *

"Did you see? She came in with her _father_ this morning."

"With Soul _nowhere in sight._ "

"But they were walking to class together by the time third block rolled around…"

"Except she wasn't doing any of that annoying whispering, taking up his ear."

"He looked half asleep and bored - probably of _her_."

"So that half-rate meister will finally be out of the picture!"

"And maybe the fantastic Death's Last Weapon will finally have what he deserves!"

* * *

Maka followed his lead, letting Soul direct her through the rows to their set of chairs. As she sat, bringing her bag into her lap, Soul pointed with as much apathy as he could muster. "The purple one, second tab. And you use the black pen for this class."

She blinked at him, "What?"

"Purple notebook, second tab, black pen." He repeated the order like a recipe.

She followed it and there was no question as to whether or not he was right. She even stole a peek at the other tabs, noticing different pen colors and even-

"Star bullet points," he added.

Flipping back a few pages only revealed more concrete evidence - perfectly starred bullet points in all of the lists. Maka forced her eyes back to his face, watching as he offered her that lazy grin again before his eyes flitted away to the front of the room.

 _He knows you_ , trapped Maka exploded in frustrated rage. _Down to your_ pen color! _Please, just, be good to him. Be_ something _to him, please, please, please!_

"Thank you," Maka murmured.

His eyes trudged down to his hands on the desk. "Yeah, whatever you need."

Stein's voice had started in the background but Maka couldn't tear her eyes away, even with that little perfectionist bug gnawing at her. _My pen color? Am I that predictable or…? No one's ever… I doubt Papa, Mama would know… but he's just with me every day for this class, right? That's what it is?_ Maka sighed at the futility as more questions seemed to be the only thing that rattled in her head in reply.

Maka gave into the words on the page and the ones swarming around the room as Stein's voice droned on. She stole furtive glances, catching nothing more than Soul leaning on an elbow, eyes alternating between half-lidded and closed as his cheek nodded into his palm. "You don't pay attention?" it was half a mutter and an accusation.

"Yeah, you hate it," he whispered back and Maka could detect a particular wistfulness to it.

"What about-?"

"Bs and Cs," Soul lazily slipped through sharp teeth. "You're still little Miss Perfect, all As and every last lick of extra credit."

A laugh threatened on her tongue but she squashed it.

His head tilted slightly and Maka watched as those ruby red eyes blinked something behind the lashes that she couldn't reach. "It's OK to laugh at yourself, bookworm."

"You're teasing me," she grumbled.

"Kinda our thing." Maka watched Soul catch himself, his lips twitching towards a sour frown. His eyes fell back to his hand that clutched uselessly against the table. "Sorry."

"Um, you don't-" Her hand floated, coming up from the notebook but just hovering between the two of them. _I… he's my partner, isn't he? So, touching him is…?_

 _Take his hand,_ the other Maka pleaded. _Please, just_ once _to let him remember I'm here._

As she watched shadowy blankness come to his face, her hand hesitantly fell back to the paper. "It's fine."

"Yeah," he croaked.

 _Soul!_ The other Maka wanted to frustratingly scream. _Don't! Don't let me_ be _like this! Tell me! Tell me it's not fine! Tell me I'm hurting you, please!_

"Time's up," Soul jutted his chin towards the clock. "Come on, I'll walk you to lunch."

Maka watched as he stood, hands wavering before stuffing into his pockets to form a hunch in his shoulders. She followed again, trailing at his heels like a shadow until they got to the door. Soul had stopped short, making Maka practically run up the back of his shoes, her hand flattening into his back to keep from falling. If that wasn't enough of a surprise, his arm slid around reflexively, steadying her with ease.

Maka used it to balance a glance around him, her eyes popping wide, "Oh, Papa."

Another reflex, his fingers digging into her arm for just a split second, but the touch itself tingled a message into her skin, a whisper of something that perked her heart into an extra beat. _He's angry? Angry at Papa?_

 _He has every right to be,_ the Maka locked away tried to answer with a sigh. _Not that either of them is very mature about it. Soul, take it easy, OK? You're already upset, don't-_

"I've got it, Spirit," it was a low rumble grating against his throat.

 _Here we go,_ the other Maka lamented again.

"It?" Spirit sidestepped him to get a hand on Maka's arm. "If you're talking about my daughter, I think it's better if I-"

"You already took her _home_ ," that word was nothing more than a globule of venom from Soul's lips. "At least let me-"

"Oy, assholes!" Black Star pummelled through them both, destroying the stand-off as he pulled Maka through the fray. "Listen, _I'm_ taking her to lunch. You two idiots go cool off in different directions." A rough arm cinched around Maka's neck, dragging her down the hallway. "You good?"

Maka's eyebrows wrinkled as she risked a glance backward, seeing Spirit shuffling but Soul instantly a memory. "They don't like each other?"

Black Star scoffed, "Understatement of the _year_."

She wriggled out of his hold before loosing the question, "Why?"

"You," Black Star spat back simply.

"Me?"

"Yeah," he shrugged back. "After that stuff with, uh…" His lip suddenly puckered in thought.

"What?"

"I'm not supposed to overload that puny brain of yours," Black Star huffed. "Stein said you'll blow a gasket like you did last time if I-"

Maka chopped into his gut, "I'm not feeble or anything!"

Black Star wheezed out a breath before nudging her back, sending her a few quick footsteps forward and out into the cafeteria. The bustling noise droned around her, and as she turned back to him Black Star was only mumbling.

"What? Why don't they like each other?"

Black Star tried to shrug it off as he brushed past her into the turmoil of the lunch-rush. "Soul's just overprotective."

Maka trapped in the gray room sighed. _Understatement of the year._

* * *

 _I keep moving my arms and my legs, half-expecting she'll finally respond, hop to attention, let me have_ me _back. Instead, I'm just drifting in and out of inky darkness, watching my life through my own eyes but having no power to change it. Every glimpse I get of Soul is torture for the both of us - I can see it on his face now every time he looks at me and I don't see how she can't_ know, _how she can't react to all the pain that must be vibrating off him. It has to be something with my wavelength and his - she must not be able to connect with him or else she'd have to know._

_I'm trying to keep faith in my perfectionist ways - even younger me would need to prove myself - so I'm waiting for her to make that leap, that connection with him, and finally hear all that beautiful music we created together._

_Going "home" to Papa's at night is the worst of it all - laying in my childhood bed as if this was still where I felt whole. Lies that Mama's away because of course Spirit doesn't have the guts, but, honestly, I don't blame him. Everyone's just trying to protect me, her, but… how long will I, she be able to take it? Who am I kidding - I already feel suffocated so I can't imagine how much longer she'll make it._

_Especially looking up at this ceiling, trying to sleep. I can feel her restlessness just as much as I can feel my own. I know she doesn't_ know _but I think she's figuring it out - this isn't where I belong. I need Soul. Soul needs me. Please, please, please figure that out._


	3. Chapter 3

Soul sat on the concrete, letting the cold sink into his thighs and up his backside. _Watchin' the gate like a dog does for its master,_ he sighed derisively at himself as that voice in his head sunk deeper into the dark shadow, maybe more of that little imp whispering in his ear than his own, _How long are you gonna keep this up? Waiting for her? Trying like hell to make her see you? How long before you admit you're just forgettable? Nothing. A shell. Because maybe you're a weapon but when no one wields you - how good are you, actually?_ What _good are you?_

"Soul?"

His eyes bobbed up slowly since the voice didn't shoot any lightning bolts to the brain. "Oh, uh, Clara, right?" he offered a sad replica of his smirk.

"Yes, I just, um…" She looked nice enough, the kind of girl who glanced over his brain rather than sticking since, well, Maka existed. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You seemed upset yesterday and then Black Star…"

"Yeah, thanks," he nodded with as much appreciation as he could muster. "Sorry again for snappin' at you - just wasn't the right time." Soul attempted to add a little more oomph to his grin but it failed, entirely a show of teeth rather than anything inviting.

It didn't seem to phase her though as her pert pink lips slid into a genuine one of her own. "Did you happen to-?"

"Soul?"

He was instantly on his feet, all attention completely gone from anything other than the green eyes popping into view over Clara's shoulder. "Hey," suave and cool was out the window, breathy and nervous was here to stay as he moved closer, once again having to shove his hands in his pockets to keep from grabbing at her. _Did I really touch her that much? I had to, right? Because now, each time I see her, it's like I_ have _to hold her hand or get an elbow or a wrist or even a corner of her shirt._ "Uh, see ya, Clara." He sent a half-hearted salute in her direction.

"Do I know her?" Maka offered quietly, tucking her face close to his shoulder to hide the shame of the question.

 _No,_ the other Maka answered sharply, trying to place the face and voice that the other her had interrupted. _Not really. Just sort of. On the periphery._

"Nah," Soul shrugged. "Or maybe. She said she was a girl from your meister class."

"Then why was she talking to you?" Maka didn't process the words until they came out of her mouth, and worst yet she felt her heart lurch in her chest.

"Dunno," he gave another roll of his shoulders. "Ask her later if she needs somethin' - you see her last block. Probably not even about me," he let trail off in a grumble.

The tight twist in her chest ached again and Maka stared at his face until he finally felt her eyes on him.

"What?"

"Just…" Maka worked her teeth in her mouth, chewing over questions and words all the same. _I didn't like it. I didn't like the way she was looking at you. I didn't. I_ don't _. Except at the same time, I don't understand it. It's like my heart knows something my head doesn't and…_

 _You're jealous_ , trapped Maka answered easily. _Trust me, you feel it every time he does talk to another girl_ when _he does talk to another girl. Not like it happens all that often, but… that didn't look like a work talk, so yes, you're jealous. And, well, so am I. Please, Soul, don't forget about me too._

* * *

"That _bitch_!"

"I can't believe she interrupted you like that - completely rude."

"Did you at least get to ask him about later?"

"No, of course not…"

"Well, he's probably going to be picking her up from meister class, right?"

"That's exactly the _problem_! How am I going to get him alone while she's still hanging on him?"

"That's what _we're_ here for."

* * *

This time it was blue notebook, first tab, red pen, or at least that's what Soul had whispered to Maka before he opened the door for her and motioned her into the classroom. He left her, subject matter not being the only thing to separate them right now, but Maka's thoughts wouldn't tear away from that last look on his face.

 _Hollow_ , Maka in her prison mourned the face just as much. _He's hollowing out. You'd know this if you just_ knew _him. He does this after he visits his parents, Wes, he always does! He gets so limp and lost and quiet that you have to tear each word out of him but you do - I do!_

Her eyes spent more time on the clock than on the page. It didn't matter what bullet points she used. When his face finally appeared back in the doorway, that same shuffled slump to his shoulders, Maka found an extra urgency in her step but wavering in her voice.

"Hey," was becoming all he managed to say to her.

Her lips pressed tightly together as she broke her stride, trying to stand firm even if her knees wobbled like a tree in a strong breeze.

Soul stopped short, turning on a dime as he reached for her, hands just stopping before her arms. "You OK?" he murmured.

"If I ask you something - will you tell me the truth?" she charged every last bit of courage into that sentence as her fists tightened at her side.

"I'll try," he murmured back. "I'll tell you what I know."

There were too many questions to bear so she offered at least the one she knew he could answer for sure. "Why do you hate Papa?"

She watched the question strike him in the face and probably rip at his guts for good measure. Soul's jaw tightened with an audible click before he sucked air between his teeth. "Gimme… gimme some time and I'll tell you."

"What if I want to know now," she pressed back.

His lip trembled before he shook his head just once, his haphazard hair tossing with the motion. "I can't. I just… _please_."

It echoed just like his pleading from the first day and Maka found it settling sharply in her heart.

"You need to get to class." His turn back was just as quick, his steps picking up so she had to jog to catch him.

* * *

The door of the teacher's lounge busting open wasn't exactly a novelty - between Spirit and Black Star almost any door in this building was off its hinges for one reason or another - but seeing fiery red eyes ready with rage coming through it was.

Marie watched some of it fizzle at the sight of her and only her as an audience.

After a cycle of white knuckle fists and stretching fingers, Soul finally spat out the words. "I'm done with all that bullshit you decided!"

She leaned easily into the desk, balancing her chin in her palms. "Well, it was a _we_ , Soul."

"It's still bullshit," he snapped back.

She nodded in commiseration but still let the words come with a hint of scolding, "It's what Kid, Stein, and Spirit thought was best."

"What about me?" That scream warbled off into a desperate plea. "Why didn't I fucking get a say? Why when I… she means just as much to me as any of those three."

Marie let one of her hands slip out of holding her up in order to motion him forward.

Soul stayed put for a stubborn second before his heart disobeyed his head and moved next to her.

It was the same as it always was, Marie putting one hand with pale but glowing fingers to his wrist. She watched him try to resist the hum and she smiled glumly. "I don't imagine you'll believe me when I say it, but Spirit and Stein were looking out for _you_ when they suggested it."

"Bullshit," he hissed.

"You're not sleeping," Marie chided as her fingers tightened on his wrist, forcing her wavelength over him. "I can guess you're not eating, and that's _without_ her at home. If she was at home, you would spend all your time taking care of her and it's _too much_ for you, Soul."

"All of it's too much," he murmured.

Marie clamped another hand on top of his, forcing another warm wave his way. "I know."

His jaw ground together, barely letting him eke in a breath before he set his eyes on her. "Marie, what do I do?"

"Give it a little more time," she patted his hand again. "Kid's been entirely on top of it. Just… be with her. You're good at that." Marie smiled softly before giving their connected hands a tug. "But maybe you should come stay with me and Stein for a while. I promise I'll try to keep him from experimenting on you in your sleep."

Soul didn't have to quell even a second's worth of a laugh, a grin not even coming to his lips. "I'll think about it."

"Or stay with Kid for a while," Marie wouldn't let go of his hands or the suggestion. "Liz has been extra worried about you."

"Maybe," he muttered as he finally pulled out of her grasp. "She asked about me and Spirit."

Marie nodded with a prolonged sigh, "Well, _his_ choice not to tell her about her mother is… difficult to deal with, but it's not entirely your place, Soul."

"But she _asked_ me," he pressed back.

"If you're asking me for permission, I can't give it," Marie cautioned. "The decision was to wait it out, but… it is Maka, after all. She's stubborn. She'll keep asking. I… won't blame you, Soul, if you do. Not that it helps all that much."

He shrugged in return.

"Please, come stay with us for a little."

"Maybe next week." Soul offered nothing else before walking out the door. The ability to caution himself was gone and he made a clear line back towards the meister class, ready to shirk his own responsibilities to sulk in the space next to the door. _Forget it, not even outside the door - it's Sid teaching today so he won't have shit to say if I…_ The thought trailed off as he stared through the door, catching her seat empty. Black Star was still there, half-asleep in his chair so Soul resisted the urge to bolt, knowing that there was no catastrophe if Star was that close to slumber.

He scanned the hallway, easing back to the wall opposite the door. Counting the second in his head was getting him nowhere as his legs muscles tensed with the urge to go, move, find, _protect_. Soul was just about to storm when the door opened, that now-familiar face popping into view.

Clara shut the door quietly behind her, a timid smile on her lips. "If you're looking for Maka, she went to the bathroom. Daniella walked with her, so she should be OK."

"Uh, thanks," Soul breathed out a sigh.

"Soul, is everything OK with Maka?" Clara took a step closer as she tilted her head sweetly.

"Fine," he played the line he'd been told. _Not like I have a say anymore._

"It's just, well…"

"Said it's fine," he delivered flatly. "Shouldn't you get back to class?"

"It's not like I can't miss a minute," Clara let out a short laugh. "Plus, I wanted to ask you before - you and Maka are supposed to do that demonstration next week for EATS, right?"

Soul's stomach shrank into a tight ball. "Yeah, forgot about that."

"I was hoping that you and I could talk after - I just wanted to pick your brain over some scythe stuff - I'm a scythe meister, if you didn't know." She was gushing, the words trailing one after another with a joyful bounce.

Soul _should_ have grasped onto the _pick your brain_ \- because wasn't that just the easiest thing to make fun of? - but instead, all he could do was calculate the minutes. _Maka's taking too long._ "Yeah, sure, fine," he answered absently as his eyes already drifted down the hallway. "Listen, I gotta go."

"But Soul-"

It didn't matter, his feet were already in motion as he skulked down the hallway, eyes instantly attaching to the girl hanging outside the bathroom. As their eyes met he watched her face jump into a grimace and that was enough of an excuse to break into a brisk walk even though his gut was telling him to run. "Move," he barked.

"It's the girl's bathroom," the girl - he assumed Daniella - withered though and let him shoulder past her to slam open the door.

He could feel it just as much as hear it, the hiccups of her sobs echoing in the high ceiling. "Maka."

"What are you doing?" she shrieked but her voice caught wetly in her throat.

"Come out." He stood exactly opposite of the only closed stall, his hand threatening for the door.

"Leave me alone!"

"Come out," he was barely able to make it a challenge.

With a defiant snap, the door busted on the hinges, her red swollen cheeks and puffy green eyes staring at him.

"What'd she say to you?" he couldn't stop it from being a hoarse growl as his hackles raised.

"None of your business!"

"Maka-"

"It's not!" She blared. "And what she said wasn't wrong - I'm _useless!_ Everyone keeps telling me I'm a star meister, _I_ made a death scythe but _I don't know anything about that!_ "

Soul let it hit him, eyes blinking as his argument with Marie juggled around his brain for a moment. _We're supposed to be protecting her by not telling her, but it's making her even more confused._ "What else?"

"What?" Maka balked.

"Keep yellin'," Soul managed a weak laugh. "Like I said - you and me, teasin', yellin' - kinda normal."

The internal Maka clasped her hands in something close to joy, _Thank you, Soul!_

Maka stood derailed for only a moment, her eyes blinking out another trail of tears before her voice came back still trembling with the allowance. "I'm taking notes but I don't know what they're even about because how do I fill in _years_ of school? How am I going to keep my grades up if I don't have any idea what's going on?"

"And I'm tired of everyone smiling at me!" She stamped a foot in punctuation. "I'm not some dumb child - I don't need to be patted on the head and have my hand held! I wish you'd all treat me like I'm actually almost an adult because isn't that what I am? I'm _not_ fourteen so no one should be treating me like that!"

 _And you!_ she almost started but caught it on her tongue. It suddenly registered that it was the first time she was seeing him with anywhere close to a slant of an authentic smile and her heart crumbled at the idea of destroying it. "It's great to know I made a death scythe but I don't know how to be a meister!"

"'K," Soul snipped out a laugh. "So, you and me, private practice tomorrow morning. You usually have a free period and I'll blow off Sid - he'll get it." He wiped a hand over his mouth. "Sorry, I'm smiling at you."

"That smile's fine." She watched his cheeks flush for a moment, eyes of the same color widening. "I mean, the kind that's real, not fake. You've been faking."

 _And thank you, me!_ Trapped Maka felt the exhilaration of it, a moment that was actually them in all of the clustered misery.

He shook his head, "Yeah, OK. No faking and we'll practice."

"OK," Maka nodded and let her hands come to her face to clear the rest of the tears away.

"But," he broke the sweetness in his voice, "Is that what she said? You're _useless_?"

Maka's lip trembled, "I…"

Soul turned on his heels quickly, slamming open the door again to catch Daniella still frozen like a hare in a snare. _Looks like you don't know what's good for you_. She'd thrown up her hands in some kind of protective maneuver but Soul only pressed close, looming over her. "Talk to her again and you'll regret it."

"I didn't _say_ -"

" _It's simple_ : talk to her again and you'll regret it." There wasn't a dip, a tremble, an ounce of anything but cold surety in his voice. Those red eyes glowed at her like coals before she ripped free, starting in a fretful run back to the classroom.

"You didn't have to do that," Maka murmured behind him. "Especially-"

"Don't," he slapped the words from her mouth but turned with the start of that grin again, barely alive but still keeping a death grip on his lips. "Come on, back to class."

Maka in her grey room managed a sweet smile. _Black Star warned you he was overprotective._


	4. Chapter 4

_Am I wrong to think there is a little more life in Soul's eyes this morning?_ Soul had been on his feet, leaning pleasantly instead of that hunched sitting from the day previous and just as requested, while his smile was nothing close to bright and sunny it was at least there, genuine, and not blaring the message that she was being lied to. "Good morning," Maka was relieved that the cheer in her own voice didn't sound forced.

"'Mornin'," he shot back. "Uh, sorry, but a little change of plans."

All of her mounting comfort threatened to warble into defeat except that real smile kept clinging to his lips so she swallowed down the urge to wallow. "What is it?"

"Not cancellin', just some rearrangin'." He waved her along and Maka fell in step next to him. "Library first."

She resisted her first thought: _I've been there - I know where that is_. "The library?"

"Yeah, your second home," he snorted a laugh but his smile faltered. _Home_ , muttered off in his mind but Soul tried to sweep it away. He offered her no more glances even as they walked through the wide, oak doors that housed DWMA's most desirable collection of books. As he guided her over to one of the tables, Soul raised an amiable hand. "Yo, Kilik."

"Sorry for the early morning," Kilik shrugged. "Only time I can do it."

"No biggie," Soul motioned towards the smiling boy in the seat. "Maka, this is Kilik. He's EATs, like us. Meister. He's gonna tutor you."

"Oh." While there was still a healthy cling of embarrassment, a little more of the fear lapped away as she sat down and glanced over at the diligently maintained notes in front of Kilik. "I'm sorry, but… we know each other?"

"Yeah," Kilik smiled glumly. "Have for a while. It's OK though, I'll catch you up to speed as much as I can today and then, well, we'll take it from there. You were always a quick learner, so…" He shot another glance at Soul. "You want me to drop her off when we're done?"

"Nah, I'm gonna hang. Promise I won't interrupt the nerdin' though." Soul sent Maka a lazy salute with a smirk before sidling off to one of the arm chairs on the periphery. Maka watched as Soul settled in, his eyes already starting to droop to half-mast.

"You ready?" Kilik turned to her.

"Yup!" Maka tried to let some of the joy take her as she opened her notebook, and Kilik carefully toured her through first-year information for a master meister, but she couldn't help tossing glances over Soul's way, seeing him ultimately unchanged each time.

"He's not going to join us if that's what you're thinking," Kilik laughed.

Heat crept up Maka's throat. "Sorry, I _am_ listening."

"Yeah," Kilik offered another hearty chuckle.

"What?"

"Just… ironic, I guess? You were the one who tutored _me_ on this stuff years ago," Kilik shrugged. "Weird to have the tables turned but at the same time, dunno, kinda nice to outsmart Maka Albarn for once."

Maka nibbled at her lip.

Kilik raised up his hands in innocence, "Yeah, sorry, didn't mean to say… uh, just… yeah, this sucks. Maka, I'm really sorry you can't remember. I really am."

She started the same nod she adopted each time someone lamented the other her. "Thank you."

"... sorry for Soul, too…"

Maka barely caught it, half of it under Kilik's breath. "What?"

"Uh," Kilik toyed with one of his dreads between his fingers. "Just… gotta be hard on Soul, too. Definitely no way in hell he can be whole unless you are, you know? Or, shit, you _don't_." He followed that with a weak laugh.

The other Maka wanted to lament here but could only nod her head in sad agreement with Kilik, letting a sigh echo out into the darkness of her cell.

"He's…" Maka turned her eyes once more to the man leaning in the armchair, his eyes now completely hidden under lids that looked bruised. "Am I… Am I _that_ important to him?"

"Oh," Kilik's eyebrows crawled up his forehead. "I mean… well, _yeah_ , Maka. Definitely. Soul and you… Nobody's told you?"

"About what?" The pattern of her heartbeats felt erratic and while she wanted that answer desperately as her eyes moved over back to him, to paint whatever picture Kilik was about to describe over the image of him, she caught that girl blocking her view.

 _Oh_ , was all the other Maka could manage as she felt the same swell.

"Just… one minute," Maka spat quickly as she got to her feet.

* * *

"Soul?"

He opened one lazy eye, still trying to cling to the grey area before sleep so that he could at least make up for the endless hours he'd missed since the apartment went silent. "Clara." He blinked his other eye back to attention as well, now staring up from his seat. _Does this girl even go to class?_

"I brought you something, since, like I said, it seems like you haven't been feeling well lately." Clara offered him a small bag tied with a pink ribbon the same color as her hair. "It's just some chocolates I made, nothing special, but…" A coquettish smile perked on her lips as she rolled her shoulders easily.

Soul eyed the bag before reaching out his hand, trying to grab at the tufted top so as not to graze her fingers. "Thanks, but, really, like _I_ said, nothin's wrong." Her hands dropped as he held it clasped in his fingers between them. "Nice of you, though."

"Just something for you to enjoy, and-"

"Soul?" Maka slid past Clara, moving to the arm of Soul's chair.

"Yeah?" His eyes trained on Maka, widening slightly as she just stared down at him. "What?"

"Um…" she started but nothing came behind it.

Soul waited but could feel the awkwardness creeping up his spine. "Maka," he shimmied the bag in her direction. "Clara made chocolate, want some?" He sent half a smirk back to Clara, "Sorry, no offense, Clara, but between the two of us she's the only one with a sweet tooth. Goes to waste on me."

Maka grabbed the bag from his fingers, clenching the wrapping and cracking it crisply in between her fingers. "Clara," she forced a pleasant smile over teeth that almost wanted to bare. "That's so _nice_ of you."

Soul's eyebrows crinkled as he looked between Maka and Clara.

"Well," Clara could only offer that before her lips buttoned together.

 _Come on, me, keep going_ , the trapped Maka urged.

"It's a little early for chocolate though…" Maka took the bag and jammed it blindly into her pocket as she kept her eyes on Clara. "Maybe I'll have some later, but really, we should _all_ get back to work. Class time and all."

"And you should get back to your study session - with Kilik, right?" Clara risked a glance to the table where Maka had come from but just for the pure motion of it all.

Regardless of the words, both stood stiffly and Soul continued to glance between the two of them. He finally cleared his throat, making two sets of determined eyes snap to him in such a way that his stomach ate in on itself. "Can I get back to my nap?"

There was a little relief in the way that Maka instinctually rolled her eyes but the fact that it was still directed at him made Soul gape just to stop from grimacing.

"See you later, Clara," Maka chirped pleasantly without moving her feet, simply leaning a little closer to the chair.

Clara pursed her lips for just a moment before forcing a smile. "We'll catch up later, Soul."

"Uh, sure…" Soul sent a final wave in her direction but it was mostly missed as she flicked her head defiantly in the turn. "What the hell was that?" he grumbled as soon as she was out of earshot. "Hey," in the wonder of the moment, he forgot himself, hooking her pinky with his pointer as he was about to pull her hand into his. "You OK?"

Maka watched it happen, her fingers intertwining with his innately, as if that palm was made for hers.

 _Feel it, please!_ The internal Maka screamed. _Feel how right that is!_

Soul's eyes followed hers and fell on the connection, instantly severing it. "Sorry," he murmured.

"Um," Maka hummed out nervously. The tips of her fingers tingled and trembled as his withdrew. "Soul… something that Kilik said…"

"Yeah?" He brought the hand back to his chest, hoping that the leftover warmth from her fingers would seep through his t-shirt.

Maka tried to shake the fuzziness from her head and her heart. "No, nevermind. I'll, um, I'll just finish studying and then we can walk to block two?"

"Yeah," Soul answered gently, watching as she turned and started back to the table with Kilik. Soul huffed back into the chair. _There goes my fucking nap._

* * *

Black Star stood with his arms crossed against the training room wall, his eyes not bothering to eavesdrop into the soft conversation between Tsubaki and Liz. It was the regular crew: the Thompson twins and Kid with the God himself and Tsubaki, both teams meandering around while waiting for the sorriest team in working memory, or, technically, _without_ working memory.

Maka sheepishly walked into the room, Soul following close behind her. "Alright, Maka wants a test run, so we're going to give it to her," Soul ordered as soon as he stepped up to the group.

Liz raised her eyebrows, "You mean us against you?"

"Well," Soul shrugged, "start slow."

"Got it!" Patty chimed.

"Maka, are you sure you're ready?" Tsubaki dipped closely but made sure not to smother her in a motherly hug like she normally would.

"I want to try," Maka nodded.

"Ready?" Soul murmured to her, offering a sly grin.

"Ready," Maka tried to give something of the same back.

The transformation seemed easy for Soul, disappearing into a fine flash of light. The moment his metal touched her hand, Maka heard it, a cacophonous roar of chaos from him to her. The discordant hum sizzled to her fingers, burning away the thinnest layer of flesh as she tried to clasp him tightly to fight against the reality. _We're not in sync._

The horrifying truth hit Soul just as quickly and suddenly he was nothing more than a frantic boy again, cradling her hands quickly in his. "Shit, shit, shit," he muttered between clenched teeth. "I'm sorry, Maka. I'm so sorry."

Even with his cool breath blowing across her fingertips as his hands nestled hers carefully, Maka let the doom of it all wash over her. _I'm not a scythe meister. I'm nothing at all._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Zi for some headcanon here.

_I wish I could tell her that wasn't the first time we hadn't been able to enmesh ourselves. Soul is complicated, and, with all honesty, so am I so it shouldn't be surprising that at times we can't sync but… I have to admit that the devastating feeling of rejection and failure doesn't listen to the rationality that Soul and I are human and can disagree. I've been there, just like she is now, sitting in misery at the idea that she'll never be a good meister. She'll never be Mama. She'll never amount to anything._

_And even worse, I know Soul is on the other side of that coin, feeling the mirrored woes of being a weapon that can't protect his meister. I watched him tenderly bandage up her hands, his lips drawn so tightly in a frown I was sure they'd crack and bleed. I wish I could have told him that there were a million reasons why that hadn't worked, that it_ would _work if both of them weren't running headfirst into fixing things. I wish I could have comforted him._

 _The more I sit on the sidelines, the more I see the forgotten things that we do for one another. We'd been together so long that I had taken all his minute actions for granted and with the way he's slowly curling in on himself I wonder if he's noticing the same thing. It's a cruel punishment - definitely not the way I wanted to learn this lesson. I can only hope that both of them don't stop trying, that the futility doesn't set in, that someone,_ anyone _breaks this curse so I can jump out of this prison and tell him over and over…_

_Soul, you are part of every little piece of me._

_Soul, you are the other half of my life._

_Soul, I love you more than I ever could have imagined loving anyone._

* * *

The night air hit Maka like a veil of ice but it made her more alive than laying on her back and staring at that ceiling. Something about it hadn't been right - really, something about _everything_ didn't feel right. Eating, sleeping, going to school, all of it seemed off-kilter. So she followed that feeling, even if half her mind was screaming it was irrational to go out into the night, to wander in the dark in a neighborhood she didn't necessarily know. It made no sense, but what really _did_ make sense?

Today had been an utter failure. Maka had found no way to reframe any of it, even though Liz and Tsubaki had sat her down and soothed through a list of a million and ten reasons why it hadn't worked while Soul delicately tended to the burns on her hands. Maybe that was the only aspect that could come close to being described as a success - Soul's absolutely desperate display of care and worry for her at that moment. Except, even with the warmth that came with his tenderness, it brought another wave of absolute confusion that continued to eat away at her mind.

_What are we?_

_Partners?_

_Friends?_

_Or…?_

Kilik had never gotten to finish his history of _them_ but those words continued to resound in her head: _Soul and you… Nobody's told you?_

She wasn't stupid enough not to realize they were keeping her history from her. It would be overwhelming to feed her every last one of her memories and expect her to digest it but… _What is it about us that no one will tell me? That_ he _won't tell me for fear it'll hurt or scare or distress me in some way?_

In the dark, she sat hopelessly on a curb, staring out into the empty road.

 _I need to find what's missing. Whatever_ she _had that made her able to be a meister, to make a death scythe, to_ live _whatever life she was living!_ Regardless of the dark clutter in her mind, Maka pressed that thought deeply as she closed her eyes, wrapping all of her around it.

Something in her head pinged like that old school radar in the war movies.

Maka waited, breathing slowly, and on the next revolution that pull came again.

She got up off the curb and started walking.

* * *

_You hurt her again. Not the first time but definitely now the last, right, Soul? You saw the fear, the defeat: she'll want nothing to do with you now. No amount of sweetness, of care, can change that, not while she doesn't remember a thing about you._ That dark, oily voice had been echoing in his ear since the moment he set foot in the empty apartment. The pleasant lilt of hers, of her very existence, wasn't there to shut it out so it slithered with strength between his ears.

He hadn't made it much further than the hallway, letting his knees buckle and bring him to a hard seat on the ground. With eyes focused on useless hands draped over his knees, Soul tried to bring enough breath into his lungs to keep him going.

 _I hurt her again_ , he repeated the sentiment with even more oomph. _What's gonna keep her with me? I touched her hand today, held it, and I still felt the same need, the same… oh, say it, you jackass. Say it. Just in your head. Just for a fucking second have the guts, the whatever the fuck it is to admit that you…_

A painful grunt left his throat as he forcefully refused the tears.

_Maka, I need you._

_I need you to come home._

_I need you to… to just_ be _with me the way you are because… I can't breathe without it._

_It's fucking pathetic, but I can't._

"Please," he begged to the universe as his hands uselessly clenched into fists. "Please."

* * *

Doubt had started to settle in but Maka didn't slow her feet. The air had become thick, not with humidity or fog but a strangling sadness that left a bitter note on her tongue. That beacon, whatever it was, called to her with its sorrow, bringing steady but scared steps to a stout apartment building. Maka reached into her bag, rummaging until she came to her key ring. _If I'm in the right place_ … She rotated through each one, sliding it into the lock and sighing as over and over again they stuck.

 _Of course, you'd leave the right one for last,_ the other Maka could almost laugh but her heart was beating too quickly to manage anything. _Soul, that's what- who you're feeling. That sadness is him. You may not have been able to fight with him today but there's no breaking our connection. I'm so glad, so, so, so glad you're listening to it. Go to him. Find him. And please, just know. I know it's asking a lot, but, please!_

The last key turned, unlocking the outer door and letting her into a dimly lit lobby. She searched around until she found the stairwell, taking slow steps as she focused on the feelings lingering around her. The second floor met her with such a concentration that it stole her breath, each gasp for air harder work than the stairs. It made the trail down the hallway obvious, the last apartment on the left drowning in anguish that couldn't be denied. She contemplated attempting to work through the keys again but her trembling fist moved to the door instead, knocking resoundingly on the wood.

Suddenly, all of it sucked away in a vacuum, leaving Maka breathless as she heard the lock turn in the door. She could almost believe it hadn't been there at all, that thick concentration of sorrow just a figment of her imagination until she saw the face peering through the crack in the slowly opening door.

Scarlet eyes shot wide as the door flew open the rest of the way. "Maka?"

"Soul…" Maka blinked up at him, at an entire loss as her mind swam with words. _It was him, the sadness was_ him _, all of that_ his _until he covers it up again. And why is he at the end of my search? Why do I have a key to this apartment?_

"How did you get here?" His question came breathlessly as he ducked his head into the hallway, looking for more faces.

"I walked," Maka murmured.

"From Spirit's?" Soul questioned incredulously.

Maka nodded.

"How… but here, how did you know how to get _here_?" He couldn't keep the frantic pressing from his voice, that desperate want for her to tell him it was all over.

To the surprise of both of them, Maka squeezed past him and into the apartment.

 _Go!_ the trapped Maka urged. _See it and remember something - let it be the thing that finally clicks this all into place!_

Her feet stomped down the hallway as Soul desperately followed. It was impossible to get in front of her and while her head did make the mistake of swiveling to his room first, the second glance was right on track.

"Maka-" Soul tried to start but those green eyes flashed with anger at him.

"Is this _my_ room?"

Soul's lips pulled tightly into a frown.

"Well?" Maka took a challenging step into the room and let her eyes crawl over every last item.

"Yeah, that's your room," Soul muttered.

A few huffing starts and stops left her lips, a few things in the room actually coming to memory: a picture of her mother, a few books that had followed her since childhood, and other tiny knick-knacks. "Why?"

Soul shook his head as he let it hang. "Goin' to Spirit's was his idea. You ask him."

"I will," she shot back sharply, "but I'm asking _why_ you'd let me go if you _knew_ I was supposed to be here."

Those words were a terrible dagger into his heart but he sucked in air and forced his out, "'Cause you were afraid of me. I didn't… scarin' you's the last thing I want."

Some of her anger fizzled even though her eyes still tried to bore into him as she pushed, "How long have I lived here?"

"Uh," Soul let his mind wander to calculate. "'Bout as long as we've been partners."

Maka sent her eyes over the room again as she ran nervous fingers through her hair. "I don't _remember._ "

"Then…" Soul took tentative steps forward, getting close enough to touch her if he dared. "How did you know how to get here? Did… did Star bring you or…?"

"No," a little confidence bolstered the word. "I _felt_ it. I… just kind of…" Maka turned her head back to him, concentrating on his face. "I followed the sadness here."

The fight to force blankness over his features was colossal and he could feel it failing at the edges.

"Why did I come live here?"

A flash of fox-fire came over those scarlet eyes and Maka should have recognized it as one of the few exhibitions of Soul's rage. "'Nother thing to ask Spirit."

"No," she charged back, "I'm asking _you_. I think _you_ know the reason just as much as Spirit."

"Sure I do," the chill started in his voice, "but it's not my place."

"I'm making it your place." She crossed her arms over her chest, planting herself in the hallway with no hope of budging.

With Marie in the back of his mind and Maka stubborn at his front, Soul broke. "They _forgot_ about you!" it was almost a bellow but the next broke past it. "It started getting to be at least once a week where you would come cryin' at my door, spend the night sleepin' in my bed because _they forgot about you_." As he loosed the screams, Maka felt that sorrowful air leaking back out, starting to strangle her just as much as his rage. "You spent a whole _week_ here and Spirit didn't even fucking _know_ because he was too busy-" Soul bit into his lip to quell it, reaching the threshold of his rights.

 _Oh, Soul_ , the other Maka yearned to grab him again, to pull him into a tight hug that he would pretend to fight but almost instantly give into.

All of it sprang new questions but one that blossomed a heat in her chest tangled its way to the top. "We… slept in the same bed?"

His eyes popped wide for a moment before he waved the question away with a steady hand. "I used to sleep on the couch. You couldn't. Used to tease you about _The Princess and the Pea_."

Maka managed a laugh as she finally gave into a smile. "But I would come here? When… I'm going to guess the fighting got worse between Mama and Papa then."

"Yeah," Soul sighed.

"Are they…?" Maka let that trail off desperately, cradling something that the other Maka would consider an old fear now, replaced by each evolution of her parents' relationship. Her voice dropped barely above a whisper. "Mama's… Mama's not planning on coming back any time soon, is she?"

Soul shook his head bitterly.

She tried to refuse them but the tears stung her eyes.

"Maka…" he was slow, arms reaching between them with unsteady fingers.

 _I used to come to him. When the fighting got bad, when my life got hard, he would be the one I went to._ The logic of it drifted gently in her heart and she forced it to take root in her head. Maka took a few steps forward, allowing his hands to meet cloth, to pull her forward, and bring her into a tight embrace. She kept her hands at her sides, fingers still utterly unsure of where to go. _But this is the right place, this is where I'm supposed to be._


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really live for this "Soul says suave lines and doesn't realize it until hours later and agonizes over it" kind of thing, so be ready.

How the tables had turned would have struck Soul as funny if it wasn't tearing his heart into a million pieces. In the beginning, he had been the one always limp in any of her embraces while he fought with the idea of being touched and what it meant. He had never explained it to her and Maka had always just let it be the slowest evolution known to man as he went from stiff to pliable in her holds, getting to the point where he knew where his hands were supposed to go and that the pressure, that surrounding warmth was natural.

He resisted the icy rejection that threatened to crawl up his spine. _She's still scared. She still doesn't know that she knows me, but… she at least knows that this is where she's supposed to be._

As soon as her sniffles receded, Soul murmured, "Does Spirit know you're gone?"

"No," she whispered into his shirt.

"I'll give'em a call," he muttered as he released her, watching as Maka stood motionless like she was still enveloped in his arms.

"No," she caught him just on the turn. "I'll call him."

"You don't-"

"And you don't have to protect me every step of the way." He had expected that to sting but the sweet smile that started on her lips dulled it. "Let me take this one."

Soul motioned towards the entryway, the antiquated phone sitting on a small side table. Maka picked up the receiver and dialed at least one of the numbers that clung to her memory. The rings echoed in long succession, until a sleepy voice answered, "Hello?"

"Papa," Maka let that start and stop, knowing the explosion was coming.

"Maka?" Shock woke the voice from any slumber. "Where the hell are you? You didn't- how did you-?"

"Papa, I'm at the apartment," she tried to let that come with no feeling behind it, nothing more than a bland statement.

"What?" it was halfway to a shriek.

"This is where I live," she added simply.

"Did Soul-?"

"Soul didn't do anything," that came as a charged demand, her hand tightening into a clench around the receiver. " _I_ got here on my own. I'm supposed to be here, so I'm staying."

"Maka, let me-"

"No," she bellowed only the word before forcing her voice to a low whisper, "You… you all need to start telling me the truth, and since Soul was the first one to do that, I want to stay with him."

Soul's knees buckled, letting his shoulder meet the wall to keep himself standing. _Stay with me_ , his plea echoed her words easily.

With some squawking on the other end of the line, Maka set the phone back down, turning still puffy green eyes his way.

"You know it's not that easy," he murmured. "Tellin' you the truth - I… I actually don't blame him all that much. Still fuckin' hate him but… it's not easy, tellin' you things that I know is gonna make you upset."

"That's fine," she toyed with her frown between her teeth before sighing. "But that's what I want, so if you can't-"

"Wasn't saying I can't," he cut her off quickly. "You ask me, I'll tell you."

"Thank you." Her hands drifted along her arms, holding herself around the middle as she let her eyes drift off to the floor.

"You ready for bed?" He reached for her, his hand catching just enough of her sleeve to coax her a few steps forward. Once she was at the doorway he dropped his hold, letting them settle restlessly at his sides. "I'll, uh, leave my door open tonight, OK? So you can yell across the hallway or, well, whatever you need."

Maka nodded before taking slow steps into the room, appraising it again for those little pieces of herself. Her eyes moved back to the doorway, catching him there, still motionless with a face forced blank. "Good night," she murmured.

"Uh, yeah, good night." It was as if the word sprang him back to life as a hand moved through his hair, pressing it away from his forehead. Soul took a shaking breath, his eyes darting from her to the floor. "Welcome home, Maka."

* * *

Maka followed Black Star from meister class to the courtyard, seeing a small huddle of them in the far left corner under the trees. There was barely any distance between all of them in the grass, shoulders or knees touching at random angles as conversations zipped between the crew. Maka's eyes fell to Soul, seeing him quiet on the periphery with Liz leaning against his back, one arm lazily slung over his shoulder as she murmured something in his ear.

Her heart thumped against her ribs, that same strange urge pulling at her again and forcing her fist to clench into the bottom of her skirt.

"Hey, Soul, it's your turn to buy drinks," Black Star barked as he pulled Maka the last few steps into the group.

Soul grunted acquiescence before slinging a soft word to Liz. Liz leaned back, leaving Soul space to get to his feet. "Come with me. I'll need someone to carry it all," he grumbled in Black Star's direction before stopping in front of Maka. "You want somethin'?"

"Um," her eyes wandered down to his hands, watching the way they dipped towards her but always seemed to stop right before finding purchase. "Just get me whatever I'd usually get."

"Sure," he offered her a steady grin before he jogged up to Black Star, the two of them instantly falling into step.

"Maka, come here," Liz called, patting the grass in front of her that Soul had just vacated. She hesitantly followed the order, flopping cross-legged in front of Liz. "I heard you're living with Soul."

"I was before…" Maka almost added the _right?_ but a stubborn part of her screamed to add the surety.

"Yeah, you were," Patty chimed in. "Like you _always_ have."

Maka hesitated, biting at the inside of her cheek until she couldn't bear the question sitting on her tongue any longer. "Does that… bother you?"

"Bother me?" Liz raised her eyebrows.

"Well… just now, you and him…" Maka's eyes trailed away with her voice.

"Oh," Liz quickly bit her teeth into her lower lip to catch the laugh that wanted to start.

 _Oh_ , the other Maka sighed. _Liz is_ never _going to let me live this down…_

Patty dissolved into giggles as she pressed her cheek into her sister's shoulder. "You hear that? You and _Soul_. Scandalous!"

"Patty, stop," Liz tried to admonish her but the laughter became contagious. "Maka, I'm sorry, but that's _insane_."

"Why?" There was that twittering in her chest again, her heart clanging in her ribs as her face grew hot.

"One, because I have _zero_ interest in Soul Evans," Liz primped for a moment before turning the arrogance into a soft smile for Maka. "And, two, because Soul Evans has _zero_ interest in me."

"Because, well, he's…" Patty started but her eyebrows furrowed before arching them up at Liz.

Liz pursed her lips for just a moment before pouncing on Maka, hands gentle but persistent on her shoulders. "But you're jealous!"

"Jealous," Patty echoed with a giggle.

"I'm," Maka stammered off the consonant into a lame hum.

"Maka," Liz cried as she gave her shoulders a wiggle. "Seriously? Be honest, that's it, right?"

"I don't know," she tumbled the words together quickly.

"Has he…" Liz started but cut the words again, her eyes darting to Patty.

She watched something exchange silently between the sisters before she jumped into the middle. "Has he what?"

"Like I said, Soul, he's…" Patty's eyes roamed around as if searching the scenery for the answer. "Well, you're like _the_ most important thing, right? So he's been _nice_?"

" _Nice_?"

"Listen," the sigh from Liz's mouth that interrupted her flow came like one from the teacher at a wrong answer, "Just… you're right, _I_ shouldn't be hanging on Soul - he technically hates it but he's been, you know, upset lately so… I'm kind of in comfort mode with him but technically, Maka, that's _your_ job. He only likes you to do it anyway."

"Comfort him?" Maka knew color was creeping to her cheeks and she wanted desperately to slap her hands to cover them but that would only call even more attention.

"Yup," Patty chimed. "You were the best thing to ever happen to Soul and vice versa!" It was a bold declaration but entirely drenched in a strange joy that Maka couldn't suss out.

"So, maybe not jealous…" Liz sighed.

 _It's cute how you're trying to backtrack, Liz,_ the other Maka could almost laugh. _Look at you being gentle. Wait until I'm back and then I'll get all the teasing in the world for this._ That last thought hit her harder than it should have - _if I come back_ echoing back at her. It pushed a thundering in her heart that almost made her miss Liz's continuation.

"But you're protecting him," Liz smiled sweetly. "I guess you don't need your memory to do that. I'm glad that's at least still the same."

"I… protect him?" Since the incident, Maka could only add up tally-marks on his side of the chart, watching that guard dog follow her around from the first moment. _Even when I was trying to get away, throwing it in his face that I didn't know him, he stayed._

"Just as much as he protects you," Patty nodded.

"I… I don't think I've been doing that…" A new ache started, another jab in her chest that she couldn't identify.

Liz seemed to shrug off the direness. "Then today was your start! Just keep listening to this." A tentative finger moved to Maka's chest, tapping her on the sternum. "And just… Patty definitely wasn't wrong. You two, you're so important to each other, you _need_ each other, and I know right now you feel weak, but that's always been a core part of your strength - your want to protect him - so, maybe trying to tap into that will help."

Maka nodded shakily. _Again - we're partners. We're friends, but… it's only_ me _that he wants to comfort him?_ That heat came again to her face and this time Maka let her hands cover the entirety of it, closing her lids and letting her sit in darkness. Soft hands patted at her, gentle words from the sisters murmuring in her ear as if it were tears she was trying to hide.

* * *

"Somethin's fishy," Black Star muttered.

"You mean Maka losing her memory wasn't clue enough?" Soul snidely hissed back.

Black Star rolled his eyes dramatically before jutting a chin across the cafeteria. "That girl's looking at you again. You know, the one that's been following you around."

"Following me around?" Soul huffed incredulously before making a nonchalant turn of his head, a seemingly meaningless gaze around the lunch room that definitely caught Clara in the periphery. "You mean that girl from Maka's meister class?"

"Yeah," Black Star produced a frown. "Seems like as soon as Maka's out of the way your little fan club came out of the woodwork - she ask you out yet?"

Soul spat out his breath, practically dropping the assortment of soft drinks tucked under his arm. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Death, you're _dense_ ," Black Star scoffed. "She talked to you on two separate occasions-"

"Three," Soul corrected absently.

Black Star leaned into another roll of his eyes before continuing. "I get that you're used to Maka-grade mixed messages so let me spell it out for you, girl is interested. In what I don't know since _I'm_ standing right here, but I guess she likes second place."

"Thanks for the support," Soul grumbled, "but you're full of it. She just keeps asking about Maka."

"And you don't think _that_ supports what I'm saying?" He balked.

At this point Soul was ready to ditch the conversation entirely, hoping that paying for the drinks and making the move out of the cafeteria would allow Black Star to latch on to some other inspiration from the surroundings but that was entirely asking for too much.

"Listen, as soon as it looks like Maks isn't your girl anymore-"

"My girl," Soul laughed derisively.

"Not this again," Black Star threw his hands up in the air in exasperation since obviously although he came on Soul's insistence to carry drinks he was in fact not carrying a blessed thing. "She dating someone?"

"No," Soul spat.

"And your reaction to that is _super_ not obvious," he snickered. "And you, Mr. Cooooooooool, you dating anyone?"

"No," he grumbled back.

"And literally, the _day this started_ , please remind me how you woke up," he chimed.

Soul buttoned his lip even though the answer was right there on his tongue. _With her in my bed. I had a nightmare and she… she always sleeps with me when I have a nightmare. Which sure as hell didn't exactly prepare me for this because I… what am I doing? I can't even be thinking about this now, not when-_ The thought was instantly cut off by the view of Maka with her head in her hands, making his feet kick up dirt with added speed.

Black Star shook his head uselessly as Soul dumped the drinks at Maka's feet, kneeling next to her and letting his hands hover near her knees. "Hey, what happened?"

Maka dug her face deeper into her knees, the pink strengthening as she listened to his helpless grumble.

"It's OK," Liz tried to soothe both but with the humor in her voice it fell short. "Just give her a minute. Hand out the drinks instead of throwing them around for a start."

His muttering continued as he doled out each treat, leaving Maka's at her feet as he tried to settle back with his. With a giant, angry fizz, Soul's top exploded as he opened the drink, spraying him with sticky, sugary liquid. All heads raised, regardless of levels of embarrassment, to watch it spread across Soul's face. He grimaced as soda dripped off his nose and the giggles echoed through the group. Soul slid his hand under the fabric, cupping up the stomach of his shirt and lifting it to his face.

All concentration should have been on getting the soda off his face but as the soft brush of fingertips hit his abs, Soul jumped to attention, eyes opening to find green ones wide in wonder. "What happened?"

His eyes fell, following where her fingers hovered. There was not enough air to pull in, nails just centimeters from skin now as she pointed at the white scar tissue.

"Oh!" Patty clapped excitedly, "That's when Soul almost died for you."

Maka's eyes went wide as Soul's trailed into the grass.

"Is that true?" Maka murmured.

"It was you or me," Soul muttered back.

"But-" Maka started but had to catch her breath as those red eyes ticked back to her.

His voice rumbled low, "I'm yours - your weapon, only makes sense that it'd be me, not you."

Even with the correction, Maka's heart beat out of time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excited to take another step closer to the *real angst*

They walked. Soul couldn't imagine getting her on the bike and, hell, he wasn't entirely sure he was ready for whatever would well up inside him if she put her hands on him again. Except, it's not like this - the awkward silence that had perseverated after lunch that day - was really any better.

"Soul?"

All of him clenched like a fist, muscles screaming as he forced his gait to stay the same. "Yeah?"

"Can you tell me what happened?" her voice was only a tenth of what it usually was but there was still that intent curiosity lingering on each note.

"When?" but he _knew_ the answer and with the way she sighed after his question it was obvious she saw through the stalling.

"With the scar," she dropped bluntly.

"What Patty said - I almost died," he tried to offer without any flourish.

 _Oh, Soul, are you trying to make me mad?_ The other Maka chided. _Is it really that hard to tell? Or is it just that… so much about that moment passed unsaid between you and me, right? My hand on your heart, that was the best message I could give, but…_

" _How_ did it happen?" she corrected with a sigh.

His mind wanted to whittle it down to nothing, bare-bones that hid what it really was - the flesh and blood of them, the way from that moment there had been solidity to their partnership that only grew after. "You got scared," he murmured. "Froze. I jumped in front of the slash meant for you. That's it." He risked a glance at her, instantly paying for it with the heat of her glare. "I don't like talkin' 'bout it," that spat back at her, his own fear propelling the words. _I still have nightmares._

"So it was my fault," came the defeated reply.

Soul froze, a strange fluctuation screaming in his chest as he balled fists filled with his own terror and rage, a dark and oily culmination. "It's not anyone's damn fault," boiled between his teeth. "I did what I could for you, that was the _point_. I-" _Couldn't handle the idea of the opposite happening - of it being you dyin',_ he finished with an internal cry.

Maka's face contorted, shriveling in an attempt to push back the tears that had started as her mind had run a ditch with the repetition. _He almost died for me. He almost died. All because I-_

If her eyes had been focused, not clouded by the threatening blur, Maka would have seen the sudden click of the puzzle piece and Soul's eyebrows popping up. "You're scared _now_ ," he insisted.

"I'm-" The denial wanted to blossom from her tongue but there wasn't any amount of stubbornness that could give it life.

"No, Maka, this is what happened _before_ ," he urged, his eyes suddenly lighting up.

"Really?" A tiny parcel of hope sat in her chest.

"We couldn't resonate before, just like this." Shame at his stupidity, at entirely missing the mark swelled a derisive laugh from his mouth. "It's the fucking same. You're scared. _I'm_ scared. So no _shit_ we couldn't. But-" he took a step forward, his hand wavering between them. "I don't want to give up. We got over it once, we can do it again."

 _You sound like me for a second,_ the trapped Maka hummed. _All excited, all courageous, ready to jump. I guess if I can't do it, you have to. Thanks for stepping up, Soul._

"I was _stupid_ , so stupid not to tell you…" he laughed breathlessly. "I was too busy worrying about-" the idea froze on his lips. _I was worrying about us. About the other side of us, not the work, but the one at home. I… couldn't have your touch and that's all I could think about and that's not fair. I'm letting you down._ "I'm sorry. I got my head on straight now, so let's work together."

"Try again?" she gaped.

"Yeah," Soul nodded solidly while the rest of him crumbled apart. _I'm going to stop thinking about the other stuff. She's my partner. That's it. That's what we are, what we're doing, and I… I have to let the other stuff go. She's not… she just is the Maka she is, that's all. I don't have that anymore. I… have this, and that's all._ Soul should have known that pressing things away in your heart, covering them and putting them away unresolved never worked, but that was one of the few parts of him that Maka hadn't gotten to yet so it was something he'd rarely looked at.

 _Why do you look so sad then?_ both Makas echoed each other, both hearts seizing in consternation.

 _He's closing something,_ the trapped Maka barely breathed out as her hand desperately reached into the darkness. _Whatever you're putting away, Soul, don't! I… I take it back. Whatever you think you're stepping up to do, it can't be like this._

 _You're still sad!_ Maka wanted that to cut through the silence and that promise sitting between them, but her voice came softly instead, "I want to try too…" Before she could take his hand, Soul pulled it away, letting it stuff back in his pocket. _That's… he's not reaching anymore. Before, he was always trying, hesitating and stopping himself but now… did I miss my chance? Did I miss my chance because I don't know what we were? Please, please, let me figure out what we are before he gives up._

* * *

Eyes that glowed like lightning bugs hung just over the top of the wall, tracing the line walked by the girl. It wasn't until the strawberry head of the girl passed the threshold of the campus that a voice joined the eyes. "Hello, again, meister girl."

Clara froze, her focus darting to the opening of the alley, the luminous yellow eyes calling to her from the shadow of the overhang. She took one shaking step forward into the dark before hissing low, "What are you doing here?"

"Where's your little sidekicks?" the voice purred.

"My friends-" Clara bit her tongue before starting again. "What do you _want?_ I don't owe you for another month and, honestly, I'm starting to wonder if your little _trick_ worked because the two of them-"

"Oh, it _worked_ ," a bitter bit of disdain tainted each word. "Worked too well. Your lord, liege, sovereign with the hair stripes tried to visit with Mabaa, tried to ask _questions_. Lucky she wasn't available... You didn't tell me this little lover boy and girl were star pupils - close friends. This suddenly just became much more expensive for you."

"We had a deal," Clara hissed.

"We had a deal that I'd help with a little lovers' triangle," cold fury was starting to leak into the words, "not breaking up a _Death Scythe's_ partnership. That's worth a lot more especially since my skin's on the line. And let me tell you, the _minute_ Mabaa comes sniffing anywhere in my direction, I'm going to cut the line."

Clara's mouth screwed into a tight frown. "Just a little longer, I swear-"

"Better whip up your best love potion," those blinking cat eyes closed with mirth, blending into the darkness. "Your time's almost up."

* * *

Soul was turning on his heels when Marie's voice caught him. "Soul, stay for a minute."

"I gotta get Maka," he muttered as his shoulders hunched ever so slightly.

"No, Liz is doing that," she chimed back almost immediately, making any reply go sour on his tongue. "So come here and sit."

Hesitation slanted his posture even more as if he could bend away from her will. Instead, he was changing direction again, uneager steps bringing him back to Marie's side on the practice mat. Like a child, Marie tugged at his pant leg and Soul took the cue to sit. "I'm fine," he offered tersely.

"Very convincing," Marie laughed dryly. "You're still not sleeping."

"I'm fine," the broken record repeated.

"You still don't have much of an appetite either, do you?"

"Maybe I'm on a diet," he gave the skeleton of a wry grin with that, forcing air from his throat that attempted to sound like a laugh. She returned only silence and squirming unease ate into his gut. "It's just the nightmares, Marie. Nothin' that out of the ordinary."

"Nothing Maka can't fix," Marie added glumly, "but I don't think you're letting her do that."

"It's not about lettin'," Soul sighed. "She doesn't _know_ , Marie, I can't-" The pressure in his chest clenched and he slapped his lips shut over any more.

"What happened to ' _this is bullshit,'_ Soul?" Her voice still lulled softly next to his ear but he felt the bite of it. "I thought you were all about telling her the truth."

His hands turned to fists, muscles aching from the tension. His lockbox of a heart trembled in his chest.

* * *

Maka turned the corner quickly, almost running headlong into Liz who barely stopped the collision with well-placed hands on her shoulders. "Oh, I was about to come get you!"

"I was just… I thought I'd meet Soul for once," Maka didn't have to dull the smile, that little corner of hopefulness having taken up space in her heart.

"Oh," Liz's eyebrows raised but a smile quickly passed over her lips. "Well, Marie asked him to stay for a second, but… why don't you just wait outside the door? I'm sure he'll be out in a second."

"Thanks, Liz." Maka brushed her hand against Liz's arm as an added goodbye and moved towards the door. There was still enough of a crack that she could peer inside, seeing Marie and Soul sitting at the edge of the mat.

Before Maka could turn away, to give the moment the privacy that it looked like it deserved, Soul's voice boomed mournfully through the crack, "I'm doing what I _can_ , Marie. I'm being her partner, I'm- I can't do _more_ than that because I can't just tell her she's supposed to take care of _me_ , supposed to- I can't _make_ her feel that way about me because I don't even know how the hell I made Maka do that in the first place besides just being her partner so that's what I'm doing. What I'm trying to do, and just… fucking hoping that she… _oh, fuck,_ I'd give anything for her to remember us - what we were."

Both Makas let out that well-practiced mournful refrain, _Oh, Soul…_

But the Maka at the door felt it tremble down to her toes. _What we were. Us._ She didn't bother to close the door, turning and moving back the way she came far enough to hit the corner. As she slid to the wall, hiding just out of view of the main hallway, Maka let out a desperate breath. _What we were, us,_ repeated in multitudes.

On what felt like the millionth iteration, Soul turned the corner, brushing into her but stopping quickly at the realization. "What are you doing here?" Maka noted the red rimming around his eyes, the patchy pink to his definitely rubbed cheeks. Not just that, but the way he was instantly pushing it all aside, trying to cover it from any notice as his brow wrinkled with worry. "Did somethin' happen? You OK?"

"Fine," she murmured. _He almost died for me. He tosses every last thing he's feeling away for me. He's trying to be my partner because that's all I understand right now but he wants… us. And, I…_ She blinked up at him, eyes studying him and the time that had passed. She flicked through moments of dedication, some of soft soothing, even more of minor irritation that she could note was really just in good fun, ultimately always devolving into a way to make her laugh or forget a hurt. She didn't have memories, not ones of life-or-death battles or butting heads or dances next to black pianos, but the ones she did have each clung to her with such strength, such all-encompassing importance that there was no denying the one thing that hadn't been caught up in this curse, her heart.

"Maka, what happened?" he urged again and she watched his hand hover. "If one of those girls-"

"No," Maka corrected as she realized the reason for the fervor of his worry as a few tears slid down her cheeks. She cleared them quickly with a trembling laugh. "I guess it just feels like a long day. Do you think you could take me home?"

"Well, yeah," he murmured, "but, seriously, Maka-"

"I promise, just tired," and while that came with a shaky smile her voice rang out clearly. "Can you hold my hand on the way?"

His eyebrows bobbed momentarily, "What?"

"Hold my hand, please," her reply came gently as her fingers stretched between them.

"It's not like you're some little kid," he muttered back as he eyed the beckoning hand.

"No, but… please."

"Don't have to beg," he barely muttered out as his pointer finger caught hers. It was an easy slide, her palm meeting his as Soul's eyes lingered over the connection. She tried to read whatever was behind his mask but he was locked up, that blank look plastered so tightly across his face. "Come on, let's go home."

Even though he gave her nothing more, Maka couldn't help but smile to herself. _Why does it feel like his heart is beating through his fingers? Like his palm was made for mine?_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bring tissues.

Soul was staring pointedly at the ceiling as if that blank canvas were keeping the answers from him. Sweat was still slick on his brow as he struggled to escape the last of the terrors of sleep. There were only anemic rays of light in the room from a thin crescent moon outside the window but he was sure there wasn't any rest left in him tonight. Because as if it wasn't enough that his old nightmare was back to plague him, the memory of the warmth of fingers was there to torture him as well.

 _Hold my hand, please_ , seemed to murmur somewhere from the dark.

He answered it with a broken sigh. _Stop being selfish. You could have been anybody. She just needed comfort and you happened to be there. Stop being selfish and expecting her to-_

Soul attempted to crush the thought by rolling up in the sheets and pressing his face in the pillow. Bitter breaths were hard to suck through the fabric but he let his air go thin, a small section of him embracing the actual suffocation as it mirrored the one in his heart.

 _Love me!_ The desperate, silent scream resounded in his brain. _I want to be selfish! I want her to come back! I want her to just fucking love me because she's the only one. The only one!_ Useless fists clenched into the pillow, smothering it to his face until his lungs screamed for air. It was only then that he popped his head up, a needy gasp coming from his mouth as he pulled in a painful breath.

"Maka," he muttered mournfully to the white case, getting nothing in return. It was finally time to let the shame wash over him, that dutiful self-doubt taking its steady place in his heart. After examining the thread-count for a few more minutes, Soul brought himself from elbows to knees as the bed creaked underneath him. He padded quietly across the floor and out into the hallway before daring to pause just far enough that her bed was still obscured by the doorway.

While _real_ Maka always slept with her door closed, _this_ Maka left it wide open, enough that he could hear her shuffling in the sheets or her sleepy sighs. He resisted the urge to look at her, to just hope that somehow her eyes would open in the darkness and she'd be whole again. Instead, he slipped quietly the rest of the way down to the kitchen. The oven clock glowed mockingly in the darkness, telling him 3 AM was too early but he had no alternative. He tried to make the motions as silent as he could, careful of the glass clinking and the cabinet door clacking.

With his water glass filled from the tap, Soul rested it on the counter and his head next to it, leaning into the cool marble. He should drink, he should sleep, but all he could manage was soaking up the chill and letting it settle into his brain.

"Soul?"

He jolted, jostling the cup in the process and splashing the counter with a thin puddle of water before he could right it. "Sorry," Soul muttered to the spill as he sopped up the water with a paper towel.

"I don't think water glasses hold a grudge," Maka whispered softly.

"Nah," he laughed dryly. "I woke you. Sorry."

"I wasn't really sleeping…" She moved next to him, trying to steal his eyes from the stone. "You haven't been either. Maybe a few hours a night?"

"Spyin' on me?" he gave a wry smile as he let a sideways glance hit her.

"Well," Maka shrugged. "You aren't _that_ quiet."

"So I do wake you," he sighed.

"It's not hard to," she tried to ease closer but found him turning so their shoulders refused to brush. "Sometimes… I think _she's_ so restless that I can't sleep either and if I do, it's so light if the wind blows the wrong way I'm up."

 _She_ , Soul barely bit back the mournful word.

"Why can't you sleep?" Maka felt the futility in the question just as much as saw it in that cold, empty sheen in his eyes.

"It's not a big deal," he muttered.

"That's not what I asked." She hated how much that was becoming her phrase with him, his ease at sidestepping her questions more than frustrating.

The word just eked from his lips, "Nightmares."

"Oh…" Reaching for him was automatic, her fingers touching his forearm and finding him still frozen. "For how long? What- well, what would I do?"

A slow, painful swallow was followed by a shaking breath, his mouth only gaping uselessly. _You'd lay next to me. You'd put your hand on my chest. Half of it's your wavelength, yeah, but the other half… always felt like your fingers were thawin' my heart._

"Soul, answer me," Maka pressed. "You told me you'd tell me the truth."

 _I'd lay in bed with him_ , the other Maka forced the truth just as painfully. _I'd clear his hair from his face, make him breathe, whisper soft things to him as scared eyes followed the words right off my lips._

He spat out a mocking laugh, hearing Marie's voice along with hers. "Like I said, hard when I think it's gonna make you upset."

"Too bad," she shot back.

His eyes traced the last few drops of water he'd missed on the counter but he couldn't will his fingers to move since it would rip hers from his arm. "You can't do it like this," he murmured.

"What does that mean?" Those words came bitterly to her tongue even though she tried to force it down.

"Your wavelength…" His fingertip touched her nail, tapping lightly. "Sorta like Marie, just… yours is anti-demon, and well, that's kinda what I've got knockin' around my skull."

"A demon?"

Soul nodded solemnly before lifting his hand to run it through his hair. "Wish I could say I was jokin' with you but… that's a long story."

"Well, neither of us seem very sleepy."

He moved his hand from hers to dip his finger into one of the tiny buds of water before bringing it to his chest, letting it soak into his t-shirt as he prodded at the start of the scar. "This. When this happened, I guess you could say I got… dunno- infected? Sounds gross, like I'm catchin', but it's more like somethin' got in me- that demon, and I was lucky it was you and me because you have that wavelength."

"But we need to resonate for that?"

"Sorta," and while he was sure she wouldn't take the answer there was no balking. _Not like I really know if that's all it is, either. I think… it's you, but you're not you, technically._ That thought broke with a resounding sigh.

"Then…" Maka searched, letting the consonant hum on her tongue as she tried to find inspiration on his blank face. "We have to keep trying. I want… I want to help you like you've been helping me."

"It's not a big deal," he rushed quickly out of his mouth as he tried to make space between the two of them. He faltered a few steps, trying to negotiate around the kitchen without getting into her grasp but in the close apartment and with a stubborn meister he had little luck.

Maka was almost instantly in his path, hands on her hips and a healthy disregard for personal space as she forced her face near his in a bid to catch his glance. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" he spat back, hackles started to rise against his better judgment since this stance was only bringing back memories and the old instinct to fight.

"You pretend like it's never about you," she urged back at him. "And, I'm sorry, but Liz _told_ me that I'm the one who comforts you so-"

"She did _what_?" It took everything he had not to make that a wounded yelp as that bandaid ripped off to expose his wound.

None of his tone phased her and she even upturned her nose daringly. "When were you going to tell me? I think-" All that ramped up courage began to fizzle as the air filled with that strangeling sadness again, stopping words up on her tongue with its bitterness.

"It's no one's business," the words peeling slowly off his lips, each one achingly punctuated with another wave of sorrow in her direction. "Don't let Liz- anybody tell you how I feel." _That's only for me. For me and the Maka that's gone. Because there's no way, no way that you could-_ He hated even pressing a hand into her, and, Death, how his fingers came as gently as he could make them, but it was still a clear push at her shoulder that moved her from the only path out of the kitchen.

 _What are you doing?_ The trapped Maka snapped, her fingers wringing helplessly as she wanted to shake both of them. _Get the hell back here, Soul Evans! You said you were trying- that you're her partner and you're not doing that! You can't keep your feelings from her- from_ me _because that's not how we got to be the way we are. Our partnership is_ because _we share everything and you're- you're ruining it!_

"Soul!" Maka shouted, but the slam of his door was the only answer.

* * *

Liz wasn't exactly phased by the icy indifference - more amused than anything as she watched Soul give her the coldest of shoulders at weapon's class. Instead, she chatted with Tsubaki and kept Patty out of trouble - or really, maybe added _more_ to the trouble Patty caused, but, oh well - before waiting for the silently smoldering weapon to attempt to sulk away after class. She followed him around the first corner, just far enough away from the regular rabble, before she grabbed him by the back of the shirt, a soft _yack_ as his air snapped from his throat making her laugh.

"Fuck you, Liz," he hissed.

"What're you pissy about?" Liz tugged on his shirt again for good measure before Soul would even half-turn to look at her, scarlet eyes barely peeking through white bangs. "Are you really mad at me?" Liz offered, "Or am I right in guessing _something_ didn't go right with Maka again?"

"No, it's _you_ ," he pushed back. "It's all of _you_."

"Oh," Liz blinked wide eyes. "All of us?"

A huff of hair came from his lips as he jammed his hands in his pockets to let his shoulders slump. His eyes fell to the ground before his voice warbled weakly to the floor. "You all keep telling her… you _can't_ tell her something you don't know, Liz."

"What am I telling her that I don't know?" Liz crossed her arms, a deep frown hitting her lips. "And if you're going to accuse me of something, have the balls to look at me while you do it."

His eyes drifted up from her feet to her face, but they only offered a trembling focus. "Tellin' her how to feel when she hasn't come out and said somethin' to you-"

"What am I telling her to feel?" Liz snapped.

Soul took a slow blink, trying to press the emotion out of the sentence he was forming on his tongue. "About me, Liz. We're partners-"

Liz interrupted with a scoff.

"Partners," Soul hissed between his teeth. "No matter what you all think, _nothing_ has happened that makes us anything other than that."

"Nothing?" Liz let out a scornful laugh. "Seriously, Soul, you're going to go ahead and tell me that the two of you-"

"She doesn't feel that way about me," he dropped each word with the weight they deserved.

"But you want her to," Liz threw back the words with singular surety.

"I don't _know_ ," the lamentation suddenly poured from his mouth along with the threat of liquid from his eyes building. "I just… I want _her_ back, Liz."

"What if _she_ doesn't come _back_ , Soul?"

"What?" a tight panic broke his voice into a frantic squeak.

"What if that's Maka?" Liz slowly began to unravel the sad lines she'd started to think about at night, the wonderings that she knew were better left for darkness. "Technically, it _is_ Maka, that's her- just happens to be the version of her from before you met. She might _never_ remember that, never be what she was, but that's _still_ Maka. And she, Maka, even without all those years between the two of you, even without the battles and the life-or-death moments, she figured out that she feels something about you. She was _jealous_ , Soul. She thought something was going on between you and me-"

"Liz," was the only protest he could manage.

"Soul," she pressed right back over his incredulity. "I get it, maybe you feel like you're taking advantage-"

"I would be," Soul snapped.

"If you're not honest." Liz lifted her hand to wave a finger of warning in front of his nose. "You've been gentle, slow, and that's fine, but you have to be honest with her about how you two are. You hold hands. You sleep together sometimes-"

"Next to each other," Soul corrected with a blustery breath.

"Oh, _big difference_ ," Liz rolled her eyes. "And be honest, that's what you've been missing. That's what you want back."

Soul rubbed a hand against the back of his neck, letting his eyes fall away and trail the floor. "I don't know."

"Liar," Liz hissed.

"I-" Soul cut himself off with a grumble as he continued to rub away at skin that was starting to warm under his fingers. "Maka touchin' me… I didn't know I needed that. I didn't _think_ about it because I had it and now… yeah, OK, I miss it."

Liz expelled a relief filled sigh. "OK, so that's what you tell her."

The color on his face evolved from blanched to red to back again as he processed the opportunity. While Liz wanted to embrace a hopefulness with the blush on his cheeks, she lost it as she watched Soul curl in and that mask slipping over his features again. "No."

"What?" Liz barked. "You can't be serious, Soul! You-"

"It's not fair," he pressed back. "She has enough to deal with without-"

"Stop being some kind of martyr!" Liz finally closed the gap between them, putting her hands on arms that instantly flexed achingly tight under her touch. "Why does it always have to be Maka first? Why can't you just accept that sometimes you have to do things for _yourself_ , too!"

"Because," he let that answer fall from his lips, flat and cold. "And I'd just appreciate it if you told everyone else to let it go, too. _This_ _Maka_ … well, I just want her to get back to being the meister she wants to be. Whatever that means for me."

"You fucking _idiot_!" Liz hurled but it was useless, Soul was already turning, letting it hit his shoulders with the effectiveness of a dandelion puff. "You giant fucking idiot!" She repeated for the entirety of Death City to hear, leaving that burning raw feeling in her throat.

"Could you perhaps keep the curse flinging to a minimum," Kid toned from behind her, making her spine straighten.

Liz quickly spun her accusation towards him, finger pointing threateningly. "And what the hell are you doing about this?"

"What's this?" Kid offered back calmly as he motioned towards the nearby classroom to herd his vexed weapon into a more confined area for the burst he knew was coming. As soon as the door closed behind him, the swell came again.

"The Maka thing! I _know_ you _tried_ to see Mabaa but what the hell have you been doing since, huh? Other than sitting on your ass and letting Soul act like an complete and utter fucking moron!" Her knuckles dug into her hips as she leaned to slap each word into his face.

"I have no control over Soul," Kid sighed out his reply. "And while I'm still waiting on Mabaa's whims, Kim and Azusa have compiled a promising list of possible witches. I've asked Blair and Eruka to be careful putting out feelers with these candidates and-"

"So _nothing_ ," Liz snapped before instantly clasping her hands over her face.

Kid eased closer, letting his hands gently cup her elbows. "Liz, if I could, I would just snap my fingers and make it all better, but you know this is the reality we live in."

"I know," she murmured mournfully as she rubbed away the tears that had dared to try to strike her cheeks. "He's just… I understand what he's saying, that Maka's never come out and said 'Oh, I love Soul Evans' but it's obvious, isn't it?"

"Ah," Kid nodded thoughtfully. "Why don't you… I'll talk to Maka."

"About what?" Liz instantly perked, dropping her hands from her face to grasp his.

Kid smiled, shaking his head softly. "All I need is for you to yell at me again that letting things come back to her on her own is a stupid, lost cause."

"Of course it is," Liz wanted it to be a berating yell but it came as a helpless whisper. With that, she walked into him, letting Kid fumble to wrap his arms around her. "Fix this, Kid."

He smiled softly, "I'll try my best."

* * *

_I'm scared. That's not a new feeling - how many times have I almost faced my death? - but it's never been like this, never been me watching Soul become entirely closed. That's how he was when we met, carefully protecting his heart with a smart mouth as the best guard-dog he could manage. He'd carefully cultivated a fortress there, moat and all, to keep from feeling and living in the loneliness he'd grown up in._

_I should laugh at myself because it's not like he's ever told me any of that. Death forbid he even admit that there's a heart in his chest rather than just a sarcastic tongue as his sole motivation. No, he's just shown me, slowly but surely at a plodding pace. I was happy with that speed, just letting us unfold as the years ticked by. I wasn't in a rush and now… I hate myself for it. I think of all the times I could have told him how deep my love for him was - even if he didn't return it - and let him have that._

_Because of all the people in this world, Soul deserves to be loved the most._

* * *

Calling Soul silent shouldn't have been out of the ordinary. Nor should the idea that he was pressing a mask tightly over his features bring Maka such worry. Both were something the other Maka would know well, but this Maka on the walk home was feeling it take life in the pit of her stomach. There was a wall being built brick by brick between them and Maka felt that stubborn resistance rising in reply. By the time he was unlocking the apartment door, his shoulders seeming to slump even more as she lingered closely to him in the doorway, it had come to a blaring cry in her heart, burning a fire in her that made her hands reach for him and dig into the fabric of his shirt, leaving him entirely trapped in front of her.

Even with her clinging to him everything felt out of balance especially as her face started to tilt so closely to his, jade eyes looking up at him through fine lashes. She was searching his face, watching for motion and reaction but there was nothing he could give, all wires crossed or nerves busy firing to set his stomach alight or drench his palms in sweat. When her lips met his he couldn't even will his eyes closed, just watching those delicate lids flutter shut as she put effort and will into the connection. His hands automatically grabbed just below her shoulders, fingers digging in for purchase but nothing could stop the reeling or the feeling that all was lost but found at the same time. It was a blaring, heartbreaking juxtaposition.

"I'm sorry," it was a plea just as much as it was a whisper. "This is why you've been so upset, right?" He watched her eyes flutter open, that verdant glow blaring with extra life as the blush on her cheeks amplified the color. "We're… together, aren't we? I can't remember it, any of our time together or even how long we've been together, but I _know_ I feel it. When I look at you, something in me screams."

 _Yes, me!_ That Maka locked away was blaring, her face, if it even was a face, coursing with tears. _Why did you kiss him? Why, why, why, why couldn't you just let me be the one to do that? Why? Oh, Soul, please don't-_

She flustered a little, her hands trying to find the right place to rest and nervous fingers settled on his chest. "Not in the bad way, but in the way that just… I just know that I should be with you."

"Don't," his murmur came barely with an ounce of life, all of it directed to his fingers that achingly scooped up her hands just to push them away. "Maka, that's… that's not how you feel about me." Each one of those words came as a new dagger in his chest.

"What?" Her voice was full of the sweetest wonder, so much complete disbelief that the tears instantly sprung to his eyes.

Soul barely sucked in a trembling breath, forcing his face away from her in hopes that he'd get away with addressing the wall. "You and I… we're not…"

"Then why are you crying?" Her fingers were hovering towards his face but he stepped back, rubbing at his cheek roughly with the back of his hand.

"I-" The letter stuttered from his lips as a sob took the rest and Soul took another desperate stumble towards the hallway.

"Soul, wait!"

His lips were clenched just as tightly as his fists, leaving nothing to trail from his mouth as he rushed towards his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. As his back slid down the door, a shaky breath left his lips, bringing another wash of liquid over his vision. He tried to will it away but he had to press the heels of his palm to dam the spill.

"Soul," came her mournful cry on the other side of the door. Even with a few more soft knocks, another pathetic iteration of his name, he only gave her silence and with a new, inky kind of dismay, Maka didn't bother to turn the knob to tell her he'd locked himself away.

 _Please, don't give up,_ the other Maka begged, seeing the locked door in her mind's eye. _Please, go back to him. Please, please, please._

Her knees waited until the silence became too heavy, buckling and catapulting her to the floor. _Come back_ , she wanted to scream. _All you stupid memories, just come back! I don't care what you are but I can't seem to do anything right unless it's with him and now I've ruined that. But I'm right, I have to be right. We're something! We're-_

 _He's everything to you,_ the trapped Maka bleated desperately. _He's always been your friend, always your partner, but you've never admitted more than that, so he wouldn't take advantage, he couldn't, but now… Please, Soul, please, I wish you could hear me. I'm not wrong, neither of us is wrong!_

It was a cacophonous back and forth deadened by the cursed wall between them. Each word thudded with deadly force but couldn't break through.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not the ending to this chapter that you were expecting, but I swear I know where I'm going with this. Trust me.

_Did it matter if I could barely contain the screaming? She_ kissed _him - on the lips! - as if I hadn't spent hours considering that and worrying over every angle of that situation. Yes, I have, have_ always _had feelings for Soul but… there's so many other factors that don't include kissing him on the mouth! That was not for her to do! That was… that was mine._

_It's so strange to be jealous of yourself._

_Because… that was our first kiss._

Our first kiss!

_Why did it have to be so imperfect?_

_Why couldn't it have been us, on the couch, one night after a long movie when his arm was comfortably wrapped around my shoulders?_

_Or when he woke up from a nightmare and I pulled him close, why couldn't I just brush a kiss on his lips to lull him back into sleep?_

_Instead it's me - well, not me - with only a corner of the memories of us just taking a shot in the dark._

_Death, it's so strange to be jealous of yourself._

* * *

When the door opened to show Maka's green eyes surrounded by puffy lids, Kid sighed.

 _Kid, do something!_ Internal Maka raged with the words that she would be surprised to find were the same that the forgetful Maka begged internally, her face desperately searching Kid's.

"May I come in?" Kid tried on a soft smile.

"Um…" Maka trailed off as her eyes hit the floor. "Soul is- I guess he's not feeling well, so if you need him…"

"I'm here to see you," Kid answered as he pressed a little further in the door, and Maka could do nothing but move out of the way and close it behind him.

He made his way to the living room, Maka following closely on his heels. It was strange to watch her sit so stiffly on her own couch as Kid eased into the familiar armchair. Kid cleared his throat, "It seems strange to tell you to trust me since while at least you _know_ me, back then it was more by face than by anything else, right?"

Maka nodded, "But… we're friends?"

Kid sighed, "Yes, close friends. You helped me a great deal when it came to mourning my father and… I came to look at you as a sister of sorts."

Maka pressed a hand to her forehead, taking in a shaky breath as she tried to clear away the urge to cry. "I'm sorry, I don't-"

"That's not important right now," Kid interjected. "I'm going to ask that you confide in me and tell me what happened."

Her cheeks reddened.

 _Tell him_ , trapped Maka urged.

"I… I thought maybe… we were _more_ than partners." Kid nodded, alleviating some of distress but instantly riling up Maka's confusion again. "Soul said we weren't, but… why was he upset about it? Have I…? Did I… reject him?"

Kid planted a soft, sullen smile on his lips, "No. Nothing like that. I think this has just been a failed experiment. The plan that hoping everything would come naturally to you or that telling you too many truths would be too much - well, it might have been idiotic."

Both Makas sighed.

"So I'd like to tell you something that _you_ told me in confidence recently. If that's alright."

 _Yes!_ The Maka locked away screamed. _Thank you, Kid, thank you, thank you, thank you!_

"Yes, please," Maka murmured.

"Your feelings for Soul…" Kid arranged his words as carefully as his picture frames on the wall. "It's easy to say a meister cares for their weapon and that's reciprocated - risking your life for someone has to create that, right?"

Maka nodded.

"So it goes without saying that the two of you love each other deeply in that regard," he didn't shy away from the word but he watched the way it still ignited color on her cheeks and he couldn't help but smile a little stronger. "Your initial fears came when you started comparing him and you to your parents. While that kept your other feelings at bay for a time, it did not last long. Soul is definitely not Spirit."

"No," Maka intoned flatly.

 _Definitely not_ , the other Maka spat.

"Your secondary fears came with questioning whether or not his feelings were developing in the same kind of direction as yours. You liked to blame most of his actions on hormones- boyish idiocy," Kid paused to chuckle. "You and Liz had many arguments on this topic." Before Maka could even offer _another_ sigh at _another_ reminder of _another_ lost bond, Kid continued, "But the end result was always the same: none of us questioned the reciprocation. The two of you were just very stubborn with one another."

"Then…" Maka's voice reached up hopefully.

"It was your tertiary fears that were the only thing left," Kid could now let the smile drift away, his fingers clenching into his knees. "And they were… not wrong. Maka, you were deeply afraid that if something were to happen, if something didn't go right, he'd be alone. You were terrified of that."

"Is he that… lonely?" It felt stupid coming from her lips, but it was the only answer she wanted.

"Soul lets us in," Kid nodded solemnly. "He _allows_ us maybe a few steps into his heart. You are the only person that I've witnessed having that connection so deeply rooted that it wasn't about whether or not he _let_ you. You simply are a part of him. You imagined that losing that connection would make him… lost. He already struggles with the madness, not to mention his other very human feelings, especially those about his parents and you wanted to protect him, just as he's always protected you."

"If I loved him and hurt him, I thought he'd shut down," Maka murmured.

"Very much," Kid nodded. "So you were struggling with the decision of whether or not you were being selfish to ask for _more_ of a relationship with him."

"Then I made the _worst_ mistake," Maka heaved.

 _It's not your fault,_ the other Maka murmured, hand in the darkness reaching out, wishing she could calm herself. _You didn't know. You didn't know how selfish that was. How much he's… this was the last thing he needed right now._

"It's not your fault," Kid unknowingly echoed, "but I'm worried that there's no _easy_ solution - _not to say that anything with you two is ever easy_." He stood slowly. "Will you wait here?"

She blinked up at him, worry starting to thump in her chest. "What are you going to do?"

Kid shrugged, "Whatever I can." He tried to afford her one last smile before he walked into the hallway and down to the crossroad of doors. Slowly, without much _oomph_ , Kid rapped his knuckles to the door.

"Maka, just-" started weakly through the wood.

"Not Maka," Kid clarified.

There was silence.

"Your options are to open the door or I'll just come in through the window: it's up to you." He smiled glumly as the knob turned, the door edging open just enough for the lithe man to squeeze through.

Soul was seated in the corner behind the door with his knees pulled tightly to his chest. Apathetic eyes ticked up from the floor to meet Kid's but he could see the puffiness, the fine red ring around the lids. "What?"

"Consider this your boss speaking," Kid toned flatly with a frown. "We were wrong. We tell Maka the truth. If she overloads, she overloads and we'll deal with it as it comes but keeping the truth from her is obviously not working."

"Sure," Soul let out with a quaking breath.

"Which means you will have to admit to the complications in your partnership."

"Fuck off, Kid," the words scraped against Soul's already raw throat.

"I'm not Liz," Kid snapped back coolly. "Saying that doesn't _work_ with me. I don't find it funny or useful. Instead, I'm going to repeat my orders to you: you need to admit to Maka - and to yourself - that your partnership has long been complicated. What you have is not simple, and you need to lay that out to her _at least_ analytically. You don't have to tell her you love her-"

"Shut up, Kid," gritted through his teeth again.

"But you have to be honest about how much being forgotten has killed you. She needs to understand _why_ it matters, and _why_ someone would do this to the two of you." Kid brought his feet directly to Soul's, towering above him with a stern stretch to his lips. "You will work on getting the entirety of your partnership back, not just one small piece because you think it's the most important. You as a Death Scythe are completely useless to me if you cannot."

A gritty groan bubbled in Soul's throat before he clenched his fists in front of him.

"Can I take that as 'Yes, Kid, I'll try my best'?"

Soul's lips stayed buttoned as his jaw ground back and forth.

"I'm going to take Maka home with me tonight," Kid sighed. "I'm going to continue to tell her everything that _I_ know about the two of you and I'm going to encourage Liz to do the same."

"No," Soul growled.

"Stop me," Kid spat back.

Wounded red eyes tried to bubble with rage but the only thing they could offer Kid was another wave of tears. "Kid, what if she-"

"Loves you?" Kid finished easily. "Because that's what I think you're really afraid of. Before you could pretend, give into that doubtful voice that said you were _just_ her weapon, that there was never any other type of ownership between the two of you. But right now the only thing she has is her heart to tell her what to do and it told her to kiss you. Maybe you can translate that to just us telling her that _maybe_ there was something between the two of you but I think the both of us know very well that whether it's the Maka before your partnership or after, she would never do anything that she didn't resoundingly believe in her heart."

His lip trembled as a breath barely ran over it. There was no clear view of Kid anymore, just a blur of liquid puddling in his eyes that felt unstoppable. "You'll bring her back? Tomorrow?"

Kid sighed, "I don't know, you think one night is enough for you to pull yourself together?"

"Try," he murmured as he rested his head on his knees, letting his shoulders collapse.

"Can she come in and say goodnight?"

"No," he griped to his knees.

"Soul…" Kid chided.

"Fine," he muttered.

Kid didn't have to go far, just stick his head out the doorway to find Maka watching intently. "Come here for a moment."

Maka tried not to be in a rush but her feet betrayed her, stumbling down the hallway to get into his room. "Soul?" It didn't matter whether he replied or not, Maka tumbling to the floor to be next to him. She wanted to force her hands to hover but they took on a will of their own as they clutched into his shirt at the shoulders. "I'm sorry, please, I'm-"

"S'OK," he murmured weakly as he raised his head, barely letting his eyes come to hers. "Not somethin' to be sorry about, just…" A smile wouldn't come to his lips, the fear gripping his gut but his hands still reaching for her. "Come here for a second." Maka let him grasp her, arms slipping around her to pull her in towards his chest. For Soul, it was the same as the kiss, just so much sweetness surrounded by bitterness, his heart yearning for it and denying it at the same time.

Her breath caught in her throat, a heat coming to her cheeks as he anchored her to him with obvious practice. "Soul…" She tilted her head just enough to see his throat bob with a swallow.

"You're going to go to Kid's tonight," he murmured as his hand came into her hair, keeping her cheek pressed to his shoulder instead of giving her any hope to see his face. "I just… I just need tonight, OK? And then…"

"I don't want to leave you alone," she whispered as her arms tightened around his neck.

A shaky sigh left him, "I'm not, Maka. I know I'm not." He tapped his chin to her forehead, his breath tempting at her hairline. "I promise I won't stay here by myself."

 _Why can't you just stay with me?_ Maka bit the begging back on her tongue. "Alright."

"I'll see you tomorrow." His fingers drifted out her hair but Maka still refused to move, squeezing the air out of him for another few desperate beats of her heart.

"Come on, Maka," Kid chided as if she was a child, his hands reaching down to steady her shoulders.

Maka let him pull but her hands still gripped Soul's shirt like a burr in the cloth. "I-" she started, stopped, gnawing on her lip before forcing the words off her tongue. "I'm going to go but I don't want you to think that means I think I'm wrong."

Soul's eyebrows popped in surprise.

"I know what you said, and maybe you think I don't feel that way but I _do_." Maka shook her head firmly before making the rest burst off from her lips. "Because I don't think she and I are different. Maybe I don't _know_ the same things she does but I definitely feel them. So I- I want to stop saying _her_ like it's not _me._ You can have tonight but I need you to treat me like Maka because _I am Maka_."

"Yeah," Soul only managed as his mouth gaped slightly.

 _She is me_ , trapped Maka could actually laugh, especially as Soul continued to look at her bewildered as the body out in the real world stood.

All the doubt in him tried to smother the words but his heart forced them out of his throat first. "You're sure that's what you want?"

She nodded, some strength coming back to her smile.

Soul sighed but tried his best to return at least half the look she gave him.

* * *

Soul always wanted to keep his promises to Maka and in a way he _was_ , though he was sure if he'd even let her know half of his plan she would have socked him one - memory or no memory. When he knocked on Kim's door, the look on her face spelled out the same thing. "No," Kim blared as she tried to shut the door in his face.

"Didn't even ask you yet," Soul grumbled as he stationed a steady foot in the door.

As Kim attempted to break said foot, she continued, "I know what you're going to ask and the answer is _no._ "

"What if I say please?" Soul smirked, this time adding a hand to the door so on the next swing out he could pin it the rest of the way open. "I mean, I can't force ya, but-"

"Not for a million dollars!" Kim threw up her hands in exasperation, letting him have the door and the hallway alike as she started stomping back into the living room, a bewildered Jackie blinking at her.

"Kimial Diehl turning down money," Soul clicked his tongue.

"Because if you're here to ask what I _think_ \- no, _know_ you're here to ask-"

"You didn't even let him ask," Jackie muttered.

Kim answered with a spiky glare that she only quickly maneuvered back to Soul.

"Kim, take me to Mabaa," Soul offered with a completely even keel.

"Oh," Jackie's eyebrows hit the roof. "Seriously?"

"See?" Kim waved crazily back at Soul as she shot her eyes back to Jackie. "Tell him that's _crazy_."

"Well…" Jackie shrugged. "She _probably_ won't kill him, right? It's sort of the pact - witches and DWMA getting along - so maybe the worst that could happen is she… refuses to see him? And, honestly, with Maka how she is, does he have a lot to lose?"

Soul motioned a hand of agreement towards Jackie as Kim's pitch hit the roof, "Seriously? You too?"

Jackie only rolled her shoulders again before looking at Soul. "Good luck."

"Thanks," Soul gave half a grin before raising his eyebrows at Kim. "Please?"

A long, guttural cry burst from Kim before she pounded out of the living room. Only her irritated voice fluttered down the hall behind her. "Fine, but you can't watch me summon the portal!"

Soul looked back at Jackie helplessly.

She only shook her head. "You don't want to know."

* * *

Bravado was definitely something Soul could summon. It was as easy as calculus when running on almost no sleep with the constant worry of the girl you love more than anything in the world forgetting about you, but it was manageable. And, boy, did he lay it on thick as he ambled on behind Kim, smirk glinting his teeth for all the witches in attendance. It wasn't the full tribunal - not like Soul had actually given Kim time and warning to get this together - and instead was just a smattering of witches, one in particular wearing a special breed of frown.

He'd seen the fox-witch before, one of the judges that had dealt with Kid with as much warmth as an ice cube but he held on to at least a smidgen of hope as Mabaa clearly stood next to her. Kim waved him to stay, Soul stopping with a slow ease of his heels as she walked up to the podium. Kim leaned, her whisper completely eaten by the distance even though the silence that had hit the arena was resounding. A murmur from Mabaa eked between them and Kim turned a solemn face to Soul before nodding.

"Soul Evans, Death's Last Weapon," he announced with that pleasant grit to his voice. "And I'm here to ask for your help, Mabaa-sama."

The fox-witch scoffed, "You come here without invitation, without making a request-"

"Kid tried," Soul grumbled out the words, "and, sorry, my mom always said I _sucked_ at manners, so I can't say this is any different. But you're the only person who'd know for sure."

Mabaa dipped closer to Kim again before the pink-haired girl adopted an even deeper grimace. "She said she knows about the curse and there's no fixing it without the witch who did it."

"But you know who," Soul shot back.

Mabaa nodded.

"There's only a few options and, well, only _one_ who'd have the guts to do that to _you_ ," Kim paused, sending a searching glance at Mabaa.

The master witch only nodded again.

"But… she wants to know what price you'd pay," Kim's voice held a trembling note.

Soul chuckled softly, "Whatever. Name it."

"You'd throw your life away like that, boy?" The fox-witch sneered.

"Don't expect you to get it," Soul shrugged.

"Oh, no, it's just noble self-sacrifice," she snapped back.

"Not really," Soul shook his head glumly. "Honestly? This is the closest to selfish you're gonna see me get. See, she's technically fine. She told me today that I should stop seein' her as anything other than herself. Memories or no, she's Maka Albarn. She'll be a great meister, just needs the practice, and that's just a matter of time." Soul paused, taking in a stuttering breath as he placed a hand over the start of his scar. "And, hell, maybe… maybe she could love me like this, too, even without all that behind us, but… I'll trade anything for those memories because I want her to love me down to the deepest edge of her soul and I don't think she can do that without every last moment of the last few years because while I wasn't sayin' it, I sure as hell was trying to show her every day."

"So, nah, it's technically not for her. It's for me. So it should make sense that I'm willing to trade anything of mine to have what I really want, doesn't it?" Soul's fist clenched into the fabric of his shirt. "So whatever you want, name it, and I'll give it. Just give me the damn name."

Mabaa pulled on Kim's sleeve, bringing her lower and close enough that her breath tickled at Kim's ear. Soul thought that was why her face contorted like it did, a strange wrinkle coming to her forehead, but after the whisper was done, Kim blinked blankly at Mabaa's face for a moment before turning bewildered eyes back to Soul. "She says… you'd have to _garden_ for her for a year."

All of the gears in Soul's brain lit up, churning that sentence over to try to untangle hidden meanings or calculating deceit. "Garden? Like… pullin' weeds?" he spat incredulously.

Mabaa nodded.

"Just… one year of gardening?" Soul tried again, ready for knowing laughter to erupt from the thin crowd but finding only questioning faces around him.

"Yes?" Kim offered and got the reassuring nod from Mabaa in reply. "Gardening."

"Well, yeah, OK." Soul nodded slowly, still trying to shake loose the truth behind the idea. _I hope I have one hell of a green thumb._


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More tissues.

_I'm waiting just as much as she is. I had been hoping that Soul would show up, wouldn't leave whatever had happened to us for tomorrow but… he isn't coming. It's just me and her - well, and Kid, Liz, and Patty - and while I'm thankful they're filling her up with every memory they have of me and him, I'm not sure it's as soothing as they think it is. She's storming just as much as I am but I guess she has a better poker-face._

_Soul, come get me. Not just her, but_ me _too because I can't stand this anymore._

* * *

Soul attempted something close to sleep on Kim's couch. It wasn't the nightmare, mostly because he didn't have a hope in the world of getting that deep into sleep, but that dangerously fresh memory that kept his eyes mostly blinking at the ceiling. He could count on one hand how many times he had allowed a fantasy like that come to his mind. Every time it started, he would remind himself: _That's how I lose her_. Because there wasn't an ice cream's chance in hell that Soul Evans would ever be able to love her right.

"And losing her," he muttered up into the darkness. "I can't."

Except the more his mind glanced over it, even if he tried to shut that door that new feeling called frantically to him. It was a buzz threatening to overpower the beat of his heart. It was a feather-light flutter in the muscles of his chest. For once, it was Soul Evans wanting something so desperately that he couldn't bury it under layers of excuses or pour over the concrete of past grievances to lock it away. Maka had kissed him, and to know what that felt like was to finally have a name for all of those little moments that had ever passed between them. When his hand wanted to linger on her skin, or when he wasn't able to pull his stare away from hers.

There had been thousands of threatening seconds that had toed the line, but now he was over, into a space where desiring her almost seemed possible. Even worse, a weak voice was starting to whisper at the edges. _Because Kid was right - maybe she doesn't always_ think _but she never does anything unless it's what's in her heart. For that, she'll risk everything._

* * *

Liz wanted to embrace some kind of modicum of joy at the sight of Soul with what looked like at least an ounce of surety on his face. The only issue came with the fact she was still entirely fuming, ready to shake that dandelion head of his into oblivion for actually leaving Maka with them the entire night. She _swore_ as the hours ticked closer to 1 AM that he was going to swoop in with some sweet, romantic - albeit _last fucking minute_ \- gesture that would bring the two of them back together. Instead, he'd slept on Kim's couch- _Kim's fucking couch_.

She was hopeful that was the clear message she was burning into the back of that _stupid_ white head.

"I got the name." Soul managed to puff out his chest minutely at the victory. "And I want you to do somethin' about it," he continued as he turned to Black Star. "I-" he cut himself off with a quick glance at Maka, " _We_ can't do anything about it, so I'm asking you to."

"Fuck _yeah_ ," Black Star instantly catapulted into Soul and the other boy just barely caught him. "Leave it to me! Asshole won't even know what hit 'em!"

"Um, are we forgetting the _obvious_ question here?" Liz barked. " _How_?"

Soul gave a roll of his shoulders before lobbing a lazy smirk at Liz. "Made a deal, that's all."

"What kind of deal?" Maka stole the words out of half the mouths in the room as she charged into his and Black Star's embrace, dissolving it immediately with the narrowing of her eyes and quick grasp of his shirt.

"Hey," Soul tried to untangle her fist but she knocked it to his chest instead.

"What kind of deal did you make for me?"

"Nothin' bad," he tried to urge back but her eyes spelled out clear skepticism. "Kim," Soul pleaded over Maka's head.

"Well, I guess not bad," Kim sighed. "It's… Gardening?"

Maka jerked her head back to Kim, letting those incredulous eyebrows bore into her while her hand still threatened to wring Soul's neck. "What?"

"Mabaa said he has to garden for a year…" Kim laughed weakly. "I mean… I always thought maybe she was going a little senile, so… it could actually just be gardening."

"Or it could be-" Maka started but stopped with a sigh before turning her eyes back to Soul. "Why? Why do you have to do this? Why does it have to be you? Why can't I-?"

"Hey." His hands forcefully pried her fingers so he could hold them, doing his best to produce a smirk while inside his guts were flipping because it was there, that need finding the mirror of the moment with her closeness. "Didn't say _you_ were off the hook. You're helpin' me weed whether you like it or not."

"You idiot," she murmured.

He chuckled dryly, "Yeah, Maka, for you I'll always be an idiot." His laugh didn't last long as her cheeks pinked and his quickly caught fire, his brain finally catching up with his mouth and his implications. _Yeah, a fool for love._ Clearing his throat came as a strangle and he quickly turned his gaze to Black Star again. "One thing though… You gotta make sure you find out _why_."

"I'm the dark assassin: I don't give people warning!" Black Star huffed.

"Black Star," Tsubaki sighed.

"You were right: it's fishy," Soul took one of his hands from Maka and steadied it on Black Star's shoulder. "I know Maka and I aren't _everyone's_ favorites but… I don't recognize that name and I need to know why they'd hurt Maka like this - choose Maka."

"But," Patty piped, "don't you get that it's _both_ of you?"

"Huh?" Soul spun his head the other way to raise an eyebrow at the younger Thompson sister.

But it was Maka's voice that filled the void as she squeezed his hand. "It hurt you just as much as it hurt me, didn't it? Actually, I think it hurts you _more_."

Soul was about to object before Kid cleared his throat behind him. "Soul," it wasn't a soft warning.

The smirk shriveled from his lips as he sent begging eyes back to Maka. _If I say it, what will you do? If I say it, what's going to be that look in your eyes, and how the fuck am I going to be able to stand it?_ He tried to ignore the sets of eyes and dipped his head just enough that the whisper just barely hit her let alone anyone else. "It's been hell, Maka. I need you to remember me."

Her fingers clenched quickly, gripping him as her breath caught in her throat. There was nowhere for her to run and the burning in her cheeks was blaring a steady embarrassment in her heart. The imprisoned Maka flinched along with her and felt a new surge of jealousy as the memoryless Maka pressed her face into his shirt to hide.

"So," Soul squeezed out of his throat as he lifted his head, trying to ignore the color he knew was drifting on his own face. "Tsubaki, I'd appreciate it if you kept Black Star from killin' 'em right away."

"Kilik, I'd like you to go along as well," Kid cut in over Black Star's background griping.

"Cool," Kilik grinned as he jutted a chin towards Soul. "Don't worry, man, I got you."

"Yeah, I know you won't let us down," Soul let some of the life come back to his grin.

"The four of you start the recon," Kid waved them off before turning his view back to Soul. "And the two of you are excused for today. Take Maka home."

"You ready?" Soul murmured down to a Maka still entirely lost in his shirt.

She finally lifted her head, green eyes searching his face. "Are you?"

"Yeah, Maka," Soul still searched for air to fill the next words. "Let's go home."

* * *

Each step home came with the trapped Maka feeding the same mantra: _Do not kiss him again. Don't. Please. Let the next one be mine, please. Don't!_

In a way, it was an echo of Soul's own thoughts as they raced through what he'd managed to shape together after a night on Kim's couch. His heart was trembling off-beat in his chest, each pulse jittering with another panicked thought. By the time they'd reached home, he wasn't sure he could even suck in enough air to produce the words but as he closed the door, Maka pausing and staring at him in the hallway, he let the first whisper out, "You held my hand six months in."

She bit into her lip.

"I… it was somethin' we did when we were scared. When we needed each other." He desperately wanted to drop his eyes but she held on to them tight with a steady stare. "Hugging took a while for me to get used to. The first time you did it, I know I was stiff as a fucking board," he scoffed at himself to finish, a self-deprecating smile tainting his lips. "I'm just lucky you didn't take that as me hatin' it because- it's the fucking opposite."

Soul took a step forward, putting a trembling hand between them that she took and offered her other to make a pair. With the connection, he was able to suck in another breath. "You never balked at sleepin' in the same bed on missions- I was your partner and, honestly, after a long day a bed is a bed but… dunno maybe year two or three, when I'd wake up from a nightmare I'd find you there like you heard me callin' in my sleep. We didn't talk about it, but you'd slip into bed with me and put your hand right on my chest and…"

He ran his thumbs over her knuckles before lifting one of her hands to let it rest in the same old spot. "Those nights-" A raw laugh ached as it shuddered from his throat while the painful sting of tears hit his eyes. "I don't know how I lived without them before. Every step we took- we _take_ , makes me sure I can't go back and that's why it hurt so much that you _did_. You forgot everything that we were, made me live without it, and I hated it."

As the wet gasp caught between his teeth she tried to move closer but he stopped her with a hand to her shoulder. "Kissing me," he whispered mournfully, "is the same thing. I didn't know I wanted it until you did it, but-" His grip tightened in her shoulder as his eyes had to fall away, concentrating on the fingers now digging into his chest as if they were holding his heart together. "I need you _not_ to for right now."

"What?" The word trembled off Maka's lips as it was ripped from her heart.

"I swear," he gritted a painful breath between his teeth. "When you get your memory back if you don't remember it I'll tell you what happened and we can talk but I can't- I know I can't let you kiss me again if there's a chance you can take it all away from me." He felt the churn in his gut halfway between possessive and passionate, stuck on a sick merry-go-round of loathing himself and loving her that he so often revolved around. "Just one- one kiss maybe I can forget, make excuses for but more than that? I _can't_."

In the silence, two hearts thundered until Maka broke with a long, low sigh. "I'm sorry." She pressed through the now weak hold on her shoulder to wrap her arms around his waist and bring him close. "I'm so sorry."

Soul was crushed under the weight of it all but managed to whisper, "You didn't know. I don't blame you."

"I didn't think you did, just…" She sighed hotly against his chest. "I should have known."

"Didn't tell you until now," he murmured. "And before… well, not like I _ever_ told you anything. You're just so damn smart you figure just about everything out on your own." A pathetic attempt at a chuckle played across his lips. "You were always so damn stubborn too so… prying things from me came sorta easy."

"Then there's one more thing I want to be stubborn about." She slipped away from him achingly slow so she could stare up at him. "If… just in case this doesn't work, I don't go back, promise me we'll talk about this again."

That was the last crack of the dam, his eyes flooding and making Maka nothing more than a blur.


	11. Chapter 11

The weight of her silence pressed into his chest. Soul watched her walk ahead of him and while there wasn't anything sizzling about it, no broiling anger sweeping off her in waves, it still ate away at any bit of comfort the night before had brought him. Tears weren't his regular, but even without memories, Maka had known that a firm, clutching hug would hold him together, and she had until he trudged to his bed and slept a thankfully dreamless sleep.

 _What could she be thinking?_ His mind probed for answers to that question. _She doesn't think I hate her, right? I just said no because I'm scared and she gets that, right? Right?_ That parroted question continued to rise, a steady increase in pitch and volume as it fed a new panic in him.

"It's a joint class today, right?"

Soul snapped to attention, realizing from the way Maka had stopped and was patting into his elbow as she had sunk in next to him meant he'd missed the first few utterances of that question. "Uh, yeah, but Stein said we could be excused since, well…" he shrugged weakly.

"I think we should still go," her voice was suffused with a pleasant eagerness.

"You're the boss," he smirked as he patted her hand. It was supposed to be a cue for release, but Maka's fingers drifted down his arm until they hit his hand, tugging at his pinky to try to dislodge it from his pocket. "What?" he stared down at the connection as if it were actually something new.

It came like a disgruntled mutter from her mouth, "Give me your hand."

"Maka…" he started as the warmth crept up his jaw and threatened his cheeks. Still, his fingers fell into the automaticity of it, twining easily with hers.

"You said it's a comfort thing," she murmured, eyes still focused ahead as if there was a challenge on the horizon, "and I know you're trying to hide it but you look like you need it right now."

He answered with a squeeze of her fingers, watching it bring half a smile to her face and hoping it left her with the message that he didn't want to let go.

 _Thank you_ , the hidden away Maka murmured to her other-self. The jealousy still keenly grew in her heart, gnawing at the moment. _Thank you, but… I wish it was_ me _, even though it is! I wish I could feel his hand, his soul, but… I can't. I don't think I've ever missed anything so much in my life - just the feeling of his soul near mine, searching for me. I might not exactly be like Soul but in this, I am. I didn't know I needed it as much as I did until it was taken from me._

They made their way into the building, turns now settled in Maka's brain as she actually led them towards the practice room. Stein and Marie were standing at the front, hashing out last minute arrangements until the pair entered, making that single unpatched eye slip instantly to their joined hands.

Soul watched the excitement drift over Marie's features and he shook his head quickly to murder it.

Marie bit into her lip at the wordless destruction of her hope.

"Ah, Maka!" While Stein noticed the crestfallen exchange between his love and Soul, his voice didn't echo it. "I thought perhaps you wouldn't be coming today."

"Even if Soul and I can't…" Maka didn't have the word for it - _perform, sync, connect_ seemed to all bring an ache to her chest she couldn't stand. "I thought it'd be nice to see Ox, Harvar, Kim, and Jackie show off." She passed a smile to each one of them as she named them, the shame pulling at the curl. _I say your names, can connect them to your faces, but other than that…_

"In that case, why don't you go sit with the underclassmen," Stein waved a hand to the side of the mat.

Instantly, Maka felt her hackles rise, that cherubic face staring at them from the sidelines. _Clara_ , her and the one locked away muttered simultaneously.

"Come on." Soul gave her a tug but she didn't budge, sending worried red eyes back to her.

"Soul, I…" Her glance darted just along the periphery of him, catching a bit of that curly pigtail in her view. "Don't let go of my hand, OK?"

His eyebrows furrowed momentarily as he studied her face. "Yeah, sure," and while his words seemed barely convincing, the way he pulled her closer and renewed the grip between them sent the message loud and clear. Even though that steadied the beats of her heart, the calm was only momentary before it went right back to thundering as Soul brought her to sit right next to Clara.

"Oh, Soul, Maka, you're not showcasing today?" That saccharine voice scraped along the inside of Maka's ear but didn't seem to move Soul any which way.

"Nah," Soul shrugged.

"But, why not? I thought we were doing all weapon groups today." Innocent worry suffused her voice as Clara leaned forward, taking Soul in her view instead of Maka.

A start of a bitter smile was on Soul's lips but Maka jumped in, "I'm not feeling well today."

Clara gasped almost seamlessly but the devious grin gave her away. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Maka!"

Maka let her eyes flick to Soul, a fluttering bit of relief hitting her heart as he seemed entirely uninterested as his eyes focused on their still tangled fingers. "I'm sure I'll be fine, Clara," Maka tried to throw some sweetness back.

"Um, Soul," Clara barely waited for Maka's sentence to be through. "Why don't you partner with someone else for today? I mean, isn't it important to see each weapon in action? And since you're such a-"

"Nope," he popped the _p_ with a bored smack of his lips.

Maka watched as this flustered Clara, her lips starting to tremble around the words, "But, there's so few scythes, and even fewer _death_ scythes and you're _such_ a talent."

Soul's head slowly swiveled as his eyebrows wrinkled. "You're a scythe meister, right?"

Color popped up on Clara's cheeks, "Yes, I am!"

Frost started to creep into Maka's heart and without thought, her hold on him tightened.

Soul squeezed right back. "So what you're saying is maybe _we_ should give 'em a show?"

"Soul, I'd be honored," she oozed as her hands went to cover the blush on her cheeks.

"Except you're forgettin' somethin'," Soul's voice was suddenly a winter breeze, drifting right past Maka's face to seize up the color on Clara's. "While I might be Kid's _last weapon_ , and sure, I'm here when he needs me, at the end of the day _no one_ other than Maka's gonna touch me." Without much more than that, Soul's eyes wandered lazily back to the fray that was starting between Ox and Kim.

Maka leaned a little closer to the stunned Clara, whispering easily, "Sorry, he's been kind of cranky lately." She paused, letting their eyes meet and the venom saturate Clara's.

 _Do you see it?_ The trapped Maka murmured to herself. _Oh, I wish I was there! One hand on her, one read, and I'd know for sure but… that girl. That girl isn't right. Tell me you see it!_

"I'm just lucky," Maka continued, green challenging the perturbed hazel next to her. "I thought maybe when we started, I chose him, but it looks like Soul chose me."

* * *

Kilik had tried.

Black Star yahooing into a fight wasn't really out of the ordinary, and technically, it _was_ Black Star doing what he was supposed to be doing - not killing the target right away - but at the same time, this wasn't exactly Black Star taking it easy. And the idea that Kilik was supposed to be the voice of reason? Well, there wasn't really a clear head to be had - all present had watched Soul and Maka be torn apart in the past few weeks and none were immune to the rage of it.

Fire flared, a wall of inferno blocked the shadowy figure's escape. The orange glow finally gave shape to the most disembodied eyes that they'd been chasing. As the head turned back, grim sharp teeth slid into a sick grin. "I don't suppose I could entice you-"

"No fuckin' chance," Black Star burst in as he tossed the scythe chain to cinch around the lithe waist, bringing those yellow eyes closer to him.

"You're just lucky we have to keep you alive," Kilik spat as he renewed the pillar of flame, keeping any exit beside right through them blocked.

"Oh, has the little rat's nest been found?"

Kilik's eyebrows furrowed as he rested a fist to the ground, watching those predatory eyes flick with delight. "Rat's nest?"

"Humans, humans, humans," spat the witch before lips shrunk, withering away to nothing but a black bit of maw replacing where the mouth had yawned wide. Tsubaki scuttered to the ground, no longer anchored on a body that had combusted into a tiny fluff of pitch: a bat that fluttered up into the night.

"Fuck," Black Star hissed before launching up the wall, trying to gain the momentum as he jumped between the brick wall to the next to climb to the little thing's height.

Even with the change of size, the voice boomed, "You want to blame the things that hide in the dark but really it's the heart of men - or should I say _girls_ \- that brings discord."

"Kilik, zap 'em!" Black Star barked.

"Alive, remember, Star?" Still, Thunder itched in his palm, blue sparks spitting towards the brick.

"Startin' to not give a fuck," Black Star grunted down before lashing out again, the sickle barely brushing a fuzzy black wing.

That seemed to change its trajectory, the little body hitting the sill as the face started to rip back into reality, the body slinking into the window. "Anyway," the voice hissed from the darkness as Black Star positioned himself on the ledge across, ready to pounce until the words rippled a cold drop of icy sweat down his spine. "Your little traitor messed up. Didn't tell me it was _that_ death scythe, _that_ meister. I'm smarter than that. Her memories _should_ have come back by now."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Kilik's tested patience exploded, sending his fist into the building and a stream of electricity climbing up to splinter the glass.

The eyes never even closed no matter how the shards threatened them, just trapping Black Star with his feet dug into the stone. "Curses need to be maintained," pleasure blinked into those bobbing orbs as it suffused the voice as well, "Mabaa's not even strong enough to curse once and have it last forever. I know I'm powerful, but… it was due to fade a few days ago."

Another rain of glass exploded into the alley as the force with which Black Star catapulted himself forward shook the very air between the two buildings. He was tired of those eyes, and if capturing them wasn't about to get him anywhere with the curse, well, then what the hell was he taking it easy for?

* * *

Soul heard the hum of voices as he stepped out of the shower, the rush of water no longer overpowering the din. He tried to will his gut not to knot, but the muscle folded in on itself, catching tightly on fear. _Should be back by now, right? And talkin'... talkin' must mean good news because if it wasn't- if something was wrong, wouldn't it just be choking silence?_ Making himself sure of that was a task harder than draining the water from his mop of hair.

The array of faces that he saw after changing didn't help. Star was lounging sideways in the chair behind Maka who sat straight-backed on the seat, his hand messing up her hair. Tsubaki was behind the two of them, fingers nervously toying with the top of the chair. Liz was pressed in the doorway that Soul now stood frozen in, arms crossed tightly against her chest, that worried line starting on her forehead. The couch housed Kid, Kilik, and Stein, an odd combination except for the identical grim pulls of their lips. For a terrifying beat of his heart, everything was silent.

"Black Star and Kilik were successful in hunting and eliminating the witch," Kid threw out succinctly with a thin bit of air.

"And?" Soul punctuated.

"Witch wasn't working on their own- said there was a rat in our group," Star muttered.

"So one of _us_ hurt Maka?" Soul spat.

"Hurt _both of you_ ," Liz corrected sharply.

"Fuck my word choice." His hands balled into fists at his side. "Who? Who the _fuck_ -?"

"We're figuring that out." Kid tried to sweep a leveling hand in front of him but it wasn't until Liz continued the gesture, her hand tightening around Soul's elbow that the boiling over rage started to dissipate. "The more important matter is Maka."

Soul knew the answer even before the weak words hissed from between his teeth but he couldn't stop them, "Did the witch say how to get rid of the curse?"

"Apparently, the curse wasn't being maintained." Stein delivered each word with a razor's edge to Soul's heart. "There is apparently no reason why Maka shouldn't have returned to herself by now."

The fear choked him and urged him to scream at the same time. It sent desperate, jagged spikes of electricity through his nerves as his hands tightened to the point where muscles creaked. He couldn't meet any eyes in the room but he forced his just the same, connecting with the misty jade that sat across from him. With a trembling breath, he eased out in a lifeless voice, "Thanks. Now leave."

"Soul-" Liz started but it was Black Star who jumped to his feet to cut in with the boom of his voice.

"You heard 'im, out!" He grabbed Tsubaki's hand, tearing her away with just a fleetingly soft touch to Maka's shoulders. On his way to the doorway, he only offered Soul a glance, a curt nod before driving into Liz, pushing the woman already hissing with an argument into the entryway. Kid followed with a sigh.

Only Stein had the nerve to pause, to place a firm hand on Soul's shoulder. No words passed and while Stein's fingers could never do anything to rival Marie's, something crossed between them that settled Soul's shoulders into refusing the curl. As soon as they were straightened, everyone but the two of them was gone.

"I know I said… we'd talk," trembled over an exhale from his lips.

"We don't have to…" Maka eased up placating hands as she stood. "It's… a lot, right? So if you need time…"

"I do," he murmured, "but I also need to make somethin' clear before I take it."

For the first time since the group had funneled through the door, a small sliver of hope was eking into her chest. "Alright."

"I'm not sayin' you call the shots- this is a partnership, always has been, but you have a decision to make." His fingers relaxed, pink starting to flood back into white knuckles as the trembling started. "I'm already a death scythe, you did what you had to do, so for you, this partnership- well, you got nothin' to gain, Maka. I'm the one-" that barely fluttered from his lips, his throat latching closed as tears threatened. He brought a hand up to rub across his lips, buying time until the obstruction cleared. "I'm the one who needs you, not the other way around. I want to keep tryin', work on our resonance but if you-"

The rest of the air catapulted uselessly from his chest as she slammed into him. Maka hadn't tempered her step, throwing her arms around his middle to squeeze every last bit of that horrible sentence from him before he could finish it. Those words were poison and she refused to let him swallow them. "Shut up," she ordered, taking every last hope of argument from him. "You're so _stupid_ ," blared from her lips into his shirt.

Soul's hands tentatively fell to her shoulders.

"And now you're being stupid enough not to actually hug me."

A weak facsimile of a laugh, just air barely scraping through his throat left him as he wrapped his arms tightly around her shoulders.

Each word after came as another command, "We're going to work on our resonance. I don't care if you're already a death scythe, we can be better than that, I know it." That old Maka pride was welling up in her voice as her fingers dug into the fabric of his shirt and threatened at his skin. "And memories or no, I want to stay with you. Please, Soul, just stop all this _and let me_."

Soul let his cheek rest on her golden tresses as he finally allowed his hands to dig into her and bind her to him. "I know better than to get in your way."

* * *

_So that's it, right?_

_This is… how it's going to be. Me, trapped here, watching her live my life._

_Purgatory for sins I don't know how to erase._

_Hell! Because what else would be torture for me than to watch him love her the way I've always wanted him to love me? To be so aware of his feelings, his wants, his needs, but have them all fall as the responsibility of someone else?_

_I… I want to touch him again, just for a second. I want to remember what it feels like to be enveloped in his arms and his soul at the same time and be… complete. I'll never have that again and it sits in my heart like a jagged stone._

_I've cried his name out until I'm hoarse but I don't have a voice that can reach him._

_I've clawed at the darkness trying to touch him but there's a wall between us._

_I want to be happy, happy that he'll love her, take care of her, and maybe somehow he'll be happy but… It should be with me. This all should be with me._


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are inching closer. I swear we're coming back to the gardening, but I really needed to tug on your heartstrings some more.

While Liz tried not to laugh, Black Star was cackling. Maka had stealthily passed notes to the two of them at various points of the day: Black Star during meister class and Liz as they walked in that morning. Both came with clear instructions to meet at this deserted broom closet that the three of them were now shoulder to shoulder in as Black Star snickered behind Liz's hand.

"This is serious," Maka complained as she chopped him hard enough to shoot the air from his gut, silencing him.

"Is Soul OK?" Liz aided Maka, slapping a hand over Black Star's mouth in hopes of restricting him from enough air to start the chuckles again.

"Well…" Maka nibbled at her lip for a moment. "I guess. As alright as he's going to be? I… I'm trying to give him space, but that's not why we're here!"

"Did you kiss him again?" Black Star muffled behind Liz's hand only to have it snatched away from him.

"Did you _what?_ " Liz shrieked.

"Maka kissed Soul," Star stated so matter-of-factly that Liz was sure her heart had somehow left the building.

"I'm sorry, _when did this happen? And why the hell was I not informed?_ " Each word brought her voice an octave higher.

Maka's face blossomed with color, "I… um…"

"You all were tellin' her she loved him, so she kind of did what Maka does best," Black Star laughed. "Just kinda jumped the hell in there and kissed him."

Liz grasped him roughly by the shoulders, starting the slow shake of his head as she threw him back and forth. "How the hell did you not tell me this before? What did Soul do? What did _you_ do since you knew this precious information and-"

"Can that wait?" Maka snapped, freezing both of their motions and sending two sets of wide eyes back to her. "I know Kid said he was taking care of it, but I think I know the person who did this. Or… I want you two to tell me if I'm right."

"Oh," Liz's mouth fell open.

"Hell yeah!" Black Star instantly came back to life, throwing an arm around Maka's shoulder. "Alright, Maks, spill- who?"

"That girl- Clara," Maka tried not to give in to the sour frown that wanted to follow the name. "I know…" Her eyes rolled to the side, embarrassment choking her for a moment. "I know I'm jealous. I know that's a part of it but - I swear - the way she keeps trying to press herself in the middle. It seems like Soul didn't even notice her before, so it wouldn't be that the two of them are friends, right?"

Black Star shook his head firmly, "Nah, he didn't even know her name."

"So it was only when I was out of the picture that she tried," Maka pressed.

"That's what I said," Black Star griped. "Soul wouldn't have it."

"Well, we all know Soul is an idiot about this sort of thing," Liz grumbled.

Maka leveled a searching look at Black Star before shifting over to Liz. "I want both of you to help me confront her."

Black Star cracked a smirk, "That's my girl!"

"Without Soul," Liz added cautiously.

"Without Soul," Maka charged. "I just- He's going to make this about _me_. I want her to answer for what she did to _him_."

Black Star was back to mussing her hair, the grin exploding on his cheeks. "Alright, let's do it! I think I know exactly where that little bitch-"

"Tomorrow," Maka cut him off as she pulled his hand from her hair. "I asked Marie to help me, to keep Soul busy."

"Wow, you really planned this…" Liz sighed, pursing her lips for a moment as she studied Maka. "Alright, but- we bring her to Kid right after."

Black Star groaned, "Why are you ruining it with _rules_?"

"Because we can say whatever to her - I don't care - but I want _real_ punishment for her," Liz hissed the words bitterly. "What she did- at the very least we need expulsion but we have to bring her to Kid to do anything more than that."

"I want a hell of a lot more than that," Black Star muttered. "Fine. OK. Here's hopin' he adds her to the fucking list." He offered one more ruffle of Maka's hair. "Now I'm outta here because I can just _hear_ Liz starting and I'm bored with it already."

Maka tried to grab for him but Star zoomed out of the closet as Liz closed a tight grasp on Maka's wrist. "OK, OK, I get it, you don't technically _know_ me, but, _please_ , Maka, tell me: did you kiss him?"

Maka bit into her lip again as she nodded.

An explosive sigh came from Liz as she released Maka so she could send a set of worried fingers through her hair. "No, don't do that- don't feel bad. It's our fault, I guess, or…" Liz shook her head sullenly. "Did he talk to you about it?"

"Kind of," Maka murmured with a weak shrug. "Just that, well… he's scared if I get my memories back that he'll find out that's _not_ what I really want. That me - like this - is making some kind of mistake, but I'm not!" In the tight confines of the closet, Maka let the floodgate open. "Maybe it's stupid or naive but I don't know what else I need to know to love him because I'm positive I _do_. I can't explain how, but I _do_ , and I want to give him time, to let him heal because I know he's hurting but- When he looks at me, do you know how badly I want him to kiss me?" The forlorn plea flew off of Maka's tongue. "I know what it feels like, and I know it feels right and I just- I miss it. I feel like now I'm missing a him I don't have."

"Oh, Maka…" Liz hesitated, arms reaching awkwardly more to take her hands but finding that Maka folded into her and allowed for an embrace that Liz suddenly realized she'd missed. "It's OK to tell him that."

"No, it's not," she murmured as she pressed a tear-stained cheek into Liz's shirt. "He's hurting and-"

"That's where you _both_ always get it wrong," Liz sighed. "Both of you just let yourselves be hurt because you _think_ you're sparing the feelings of the other. You'd both rather _die_ than see the other upset but somehow you both don't realize that's what hurts you. It's time to be honest, and hopefully, he'll be honest, too."

* * *

Soul was struggling again in her silence. Technically, it was productive silence - a book open across her lap - but it had been following her for a majority of the day. On his fifteenth rotation of the apartment, he finally stopped in front of her, offering her a hand. "I want to try something."

"Oh…" Maka slid the book aside and let him pull her to her feet. "What is it?"

Soul sighed as his fingers worried around hers. "Remember that demon I told you about?"

"Yes…"

"There's a door…" The idea of letting the words out of his lips felt as good as walking on coals but his heart swelled at the sensation of her hand in his. _This is Maka. She's been in there. She knows it. When she sees it again, it'll be the same._ "Behind it is him and me. I think maybe… I was scared to open that again."

"Again? I've been there?" Maka took a step closer so she could catch his other hand, bringing two clasped sets between them.

"Yeah," he laughed weakly. "Scared me the first time, but… it was fine then, and it'll be fine now, right?"

"Right," Maka nodded.

"Because…" Soul sucked in air, letting his eyes drift up from their fingers to her face. The expectant look on hers almost stole his nerve but Soul still managed a whisper, "You're still you, Maka, whether you remember that or not. You're you."

"And you're you," she murmured with a soft smile. "So it's not going to be any different."

He managed to mirror what was on her lips. "Close your eyes and let's try, OK? When you see the door, open it."

Maka followed his orders, letting her lids flutter closed as his grip tightened in hers. The sizzle was there, a definite hum beyond just the sounds of the room, and all of a sudden, the pitch canvas lit with an elegant red door. She couldn't even see herself in the darkness but she moved forward, fingers flexing on the knob and turning without a second's hesitation. The room inside erupted in velvets of varying shades of red, the centerpiece of it all an onyx piano with glowing white keys.

"You made it," Soul's breathless voice came from her side, and just as she turned to find him his arms were around her, scooping her with such intent that her feet left the ground.

"Soul!" the squeal of his name ended in a delightful giggle even though he was quickly releasing her, hands moving to fix her back on her feet.

"Sorry," he muttered as a hand went to the back of his neck, covering the color that was starting to blossom there. "Just… 's good."

Maka studied his blush until her own spread on her cheeks. _He looks handsome in a suit._ To hide it she forced her eyes to search across the room. "So this is…?"

"Me, technically, I guess- my head?" Soul shrugged. "I use the piano when we fight. I can send out our resonance and-"

A sudden blare of an intricate waltz made Maka grab for Soul's sleeves.

"Little fucker," Soul grumbled as he turned his attention towards a phonograph.

A little demon sat on the table, tapping his foot with a devious grin. "You brought the girl. Means you should dance, doesn't it?"

"Is that what we do?" Maka looked up at him expectantly.

 _It's right. She didn't balk, just a scare at the noise but that little asshole is standing right there and she's not hesitating for a minute._ "If you let me lead," he laughed softly. Maka placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, the other lacing in his without a word. Soul rested unsteady fingers on her hip as the beautiful lace fabric tickled under his palm. Their steps started in time with the music, Maka not forgetting her two left feet in the process, definitely nipping at his toes. He watched the frustration furrow her brow and couldn't help the smirk from lighting across his lips. "You're kinda not givin' up the lead," he teased.

"I'm trying to step _with_ you," she complained.

"Trust me, Maka," he murmured. Suddenly green eyes were popping up to his, a little wider and complemented by the pink dusting her cheeks. "Just like I know you'll move me right, let me do the same." Even as his fingers trembled they dipped towards the small of her back, pulling her closer against him. The lack of space urged their steps exactly in tune and for a moment he was entirely sure they'd synced down to their very heartbeats. "Better, right?"

"Perfect…" With a shaky sigh, Maka rested her cheek against his lapel and slipped her fingers along his shoulder to the back of his neck to touch softly at the hairs there. That kickstarted his heart, sending it thundering against her ear. "Soul, did you mean what you said?"

"When?" The word was barely more than a breath, the closeness of her driving away every last bit of his cool. _Because I want her closer. I don't want to let go. I want to stay like this. And she's making me wonder if she wants the same thing._

"You said I was me."

"I did," he squeezed from his throat, urging another breath so he could continue. "And I _want_ to believe that. I think that's why you're here because today I really tried to tell myself that you're still you."

Her fingers tightened as she felt her heart echoing his. "And you think we could be _us_ again?"

"Maka…" He pressed his cheek to her hair, forcing her to stay against his chest because he was sure he'd never make it if she dared look at him now. "I… part of me wants to think it could all still come back, but I know- or I guess I'm trying to tell myself that this could be it."

"And if it doesn't come back, Soul?"

"Guess it's fair to ask me just what I asked you, huh?" he murmured with a soft laugh. "I'm staying with you, Maka."

Her fingers squeezed in his. "But you're still thinking, aren't you?"

He sighed, a bleak smile stretching across his lips to mock himself. "That makes me wondering if you're fakin' it because you're right on the fucking money, Maka."

She sighed hotly against his chest. "Because maybe I don't remember everything that's ever happened between us doesn't mean I don't know you. Maybe you should think about that, too."

He drank up the bitter note in her voice and let it settle. _But lovin' me and knowin' me... those are two different things, aren't they?_


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is short, but I really have to give this to you all by itself. I hope you love it.

Marie's fingers were uncomfortably digging into Soul's shoulders as she marched him down the hallways. Every step brought with it the surety that this was some kind of wild-goose-chase, a mysterious cabal between the women in his life that was meant to keep him busy for some nefarious reason. If there was one thing he was sure of, it was futile to resist Marie, so he allowed the leading until he heard Maka's voice. He knew that accusatory pitch well, the _you're in trouble now_ that usually came just before a Maka-chop, and that well-burrowed instinct of being her shadow when it was directed at someone else instantly reared in him.

Only, Marie clamped harder. There was no moving, Marie leaving him stuck just before the doorway to the upper-level of the stadium seats in the seminar room. He could peek, catching enough of a glimpse of the bottom podium that he found some comfort in Liz and Black Star flanking her but the fourth person in question still made him lean against Marie's hold. _Clara. What's that fucking girl doing there?_ "Marie-"

"Just listen," Marie whispered softly as she kept him planted in place.

"I don't know why the three of you would need _me_." Clara was all innocence, eyes blinking to each one of their faces.

"Clara," there was that tone again- the Maka in command that gave Soul goosebumps automatically. "I think it's time we talked about Soul."

"What?" Her eyebrows popped, as her fingers crumpled into the edge of her dress. "Did he ask about me?"

"Fuck, you're desperate," Black Star snapped.

"Shut up, this is Maka's thing," Liz growled at him.

Maka waited for the chatter behind her to quiet. "I know how you feel, Clara."

Soul's brow wrinkled.

"How could _you_ possibly know how I feel?" Suddenly the schoolgirl was gone, a bitter tremor stealing away anything that was cute about that voice.

If Maka had noticed the change, there was no show of it, the same assertive hint to her reply, "I feel jealous, too, when he looks at someone else- when he talks to someone else."

"What?" The rage was building behind that word but Maka continued.

"And that's fine. We're allowed to feel what we feel and that's _fine_." Another shiver hit Soul's spine because this was the tone reserved for the real fights, the one where making up came with real pleas of _I'm sorry_ if you even hoped for her to look at you again. "But hurting him in your jealousy is completely unacceptable."

 _Hurting me?_ Soul tried for a step forward but Marie negated it.

"How the _hell_ am I hurting him?" Clara snapped his question for him.

"Do you think you love him?" Maka spat back the question of her own and took a step forward, every ounce of her challenging Clara as she shoved the words at her again. "Do you actually think you love him?"

"And you think you do?"

"I know I do," Maka came back without pause, without an ounce of hesitation in her voice and Soul no longer had any power to move forward even if he wanted to. "I love him and I know this because even with my jealousy, even with how much I _wish_ he'd love me back, I would never, ever do anything to get in the way of his happiness. If he _wanted_ to be with you, then I would stand back and let him because loving someone is about letting them find their happiness."

"As if you actually would," Clara screeched. "The way you hang all over him- you make sure there's no room for anyone else!"

"Then _hurt me_!" Maka lost the battle with her cool, letting the scream fly from her throat. "If I'm in the way, why didn't you hurt me?"

"I did!" Clara pushed back and as her hands reached for Maka, Soul bucked.

"Wait," Marie cautioned.

Black Star was there, grasping Clara by the wrist and pulling her a step to Maka's side. "Don't try it," he hissed the words right from Soul's mind.

"Let go of me," Clara fumed.

"Then keep your hands to yourself," Black Star sneered as he tossed her hand away, watching as Clara took cautious steps back.

"And that's how I know you don't really love him," Maka's seething accusation echoed loudly in Soul's ears. "You didn't even _realize_ how lonely he was. You didn't even think about what being forgotten would do to him, only what it _could_ do for you. Even when he's with me, I can feel it. I _know_ he still thinks that he has no one so how dare you take away the one thing he thought he had!" A frustrated screaming groan left Maka's throat but he watched her straighten her back, her face challengingly stuck in Clara's. "But you failed. I might not remember every moment, but I remember being his. So you may have stolen my memories but I have that. He'll always have that."

Soul felt Marie's fingers fall away but before he could even take a step she was edging in front of him and taking determined strides down the aisle. "I think it's time to take Clara to Kid."

"Marie?" Liz raised innocent hands as she turned to the woman descending. "I swear, we were going to do that."

"I'm sure you were," Marie laughed softly, "but I think that time is now. Come along, Clara. You too, Black Star, Liz." She had started to herd her little ducklings, fingers dangling out to beckon them all along.

Black Star started to grumble, "What about Maka?"

"Soul's got her," Marie turned on cue, seeing Soul standing exactly where she expected at the top of the aisle, hands in his pockets. "Right?"

Soul nodded.

Black Star leaned into Marie, "Do I still get to punch her?"

"That was never the plan," Liz hissed.

"Let's argue in the hallway, please," Marie chimed as she placed not so gentle hands on Clara now.

"Soul!" Clara managed to pull away, getting one or two steps up the aisle before the glare she received in reply from the man in question froze her in her spot.

There was nothing there in his scarlet eyes, no glow, barely any recognition of anything at all. To look at him was to see a man in pure boredom, but to glimpse into his mind was to see a storm, and the grit of his voice spelled it out clearly. "Don't come near me."

"But I…" trembled on Clara's lips.

"Can't say I agree with Maka, that hurtin' me is some big deal,'' that was saturated with cool apathy, but the next came with a swell of bitter hatred that grated down every spine in the room, "but anyone who knows _anything_ about me- _pretends_ to know anything about me would know that nobody gets away with trying to get between us. Take another step and find out what happens to you, or make the better choice and let Marie take you to some kinda mercy."

"Come on, Clara," Marie murmured, this time leaving Clara unable to refuse the grip at her elbow. The girl took a few more shaking steps as her eyes stayed locked with Soul until he easily broke it. All the warmth came back, a fire lit behind the glance that fell on Maka.

Maka was still entirely puffed, her hands digging into her hips as she looked up at him. "Don't you dare yell at me."

"About what?" he muttered as he took a few steps down, eyes ticking towards the door to watch the group scuttling out.

She huffed, "If I told you I was confronting her-"

"Nah, you had your little posse," he chuckled. "Not surprised Liz and Star fell in for that plan."

That adorable wrinkle appeared between her eyebrows and he couldn't help but watch it with a smile. "You're not angry."

"Uh," he caught the end of the wonder with a chuckle. "Guess I'm a lot of things right now."

"What does that mean?" Maka moved to meet him as he finally reached the last step, his hands coming out of his pockets to hover out between them.

Soul cleared his throat, "Pissed- at her, but at myself, too. Was a little too blind about her."

Maka shook her head as she took his hands, squeezing with a gentle reassurance. "You had enough on your mind, so not seeing that… what's more important is that-"

"You said you loved me," he cut in with a desperate pull of air to follow.

Her cheeks dusted with a gentle pink, but her voice trembled with the same accusatory flare as moments ago. "Don't tell me I don't, Soul. I don't want to hear it. I know I don't remember, I know-" The words snapped from her mouth as he tugged her forward.

If anything, Soul was always careful, not jamming her ahead but just enough to stop her from the meaningless argument. As his head hung down, he gently untangled one hand from hers, letting it come up to touch her cheek, to hold her steady along with himself as he released one last aching sigh before he tucked just low enough for his lips to brush hers. He could barely stand the way his nerves fired, the way all of him was begging for more connection, more skin, more of _her_. His other hand squeezed hers desperately.

When they parted, there was barely a breath between them but Soul managed a whisper, "Maka, I've never had anything- anyone like you. You're…" His fingers trembled up into her hair and as if it would do something other than steal any last bit of breath or sense he had left he brushed his lips against hers again, letting that sweet ache tug at him. "Just fucking tell me that you're mine," eked from his throat just before the sob broke him, the fear making him give up on her lips and hide into the crux of her neck. He tangled his arms around her shoulders.

Maka took all of his weight as he buried himself against her. "I thought I already did."


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I promised gardening.

_It's funny- her words almost scolded me as much as Clara._

_Here I am, drowning in jealousy, pleading desperately that I should be the one to love him._

_But she said it._

_I never did- never had the nerve._

_But she stood there and shouted it in front of our friends, in the face of an enemy without any hesitation. In the horrifying moment, I realized how much she deserved him and how much I didn't. So maybe this is the right punishment for me and maybe Clara did exactly what she had planned- to give Soul what he really deserves._

* * *

Soul had tried to drop her at home, but Maka had refused to break the connection, hand in his all the way to Kim, through the portal, and to the gates of the prehistoric garden.

Mabaa was nowhere to be found, but the fox-witch judge leaned with vapid disinterest against the gate. "You showed."

"Don't go back on my promises," Soul grumbled.

"And this is the girl?" The witch brought her lithe form to attention, eyeing Maka with interest.

A strong shiver of possessiveness hit him, urging him to fix her at his side as if that would keep the eyes off her. "No rule about not bringin' her."

The witch shook her head as a smirk started to pull at her lips. "It was expected." Before Soul could even open his mouth the figure was drifting off between the overgrown greens.

"If you're not going to say it, I will," Maka muttered. "Sounds ominous."

Soul grunted, "Why I said you shouldn't come. I still don't trust this."

"And I don't trust you by yourself," Maka answered back pertly as she moved towards the gate, unlatching it and swinging it wide to allow vines to plop out into the walkway.

"What the hell did I do?" he grumbled but accepted being led, feet kicking through dried up creepers.

Maka tossed a glare over her shoulder before motioning her free hand at the mess of sadly browning twigs at the far left corner. "Got yourself in this mess to start with, and don't you start with 'it was for _you_ , Maka!'"

"It _was_ for you, Maka," he muttered back which earned him the loss of her palm and another sigh.

"OK, I'm going to start trying to identify these…" Maka slid her bag in front of her, bringing a notebook and textbook out.

"You _did not_ bring a book," he scoffed.

She waved it at him with raised eyebrows. "I'm sorry- you know everything about plants?"

"Weed, water, what else?" He slid the lazy alliteration over his tongue.

In truest Maka fashion, her eyes rolled along those eyebrows before turning back to the text in her arm. "A lot else. We have to know what kind of sun they need, what pests they have, what kind of fertilizer…"

He chuckled softly before sneaking by her, jostling her book with his elbow as he passed. She huffed, only causing another laugh from him as he bent closer to the soil. She dared to boot him in the butt for good measure, getting a grunt that tumbled into more laughter. "OK, bookworm, go read. I'll do the heavy lifting. _Like usual_."

"You're going to be thanking me by the end of the week!" Maka chimed as she moved along to the railing of the fence, giving herself a perch to plant on as she arranged her study materials in her lap.

Even though his hands were moving in the dirt his eyes settled on her momentarily. _It's her. That, there, entirely is her. And she…_ At the mental mention, Maka lifted her head, catching his eyes long enough for a blush to stain her cheeks. It echoed on his own face before a smile slipped between them. _She fucking loves me._ That resounded below his skin, giving goosebumps even in the warmth of the sun. His head dipped back to his work and the sound of fluttering pages continued at his side.

Normalcy drifted in, an ease unwinding the muscles in his chest as sweat hit his brow. Every now and then she would call out a command, some kind of identification or correction which he followed with the same confidence that always came with their partnership. Lingering doubt was starting to fade just like the sun even with the idea of her lips on his dancing at the back of his mind.

Soul had disappeared further into the overgrowth, no longer having Maka in the corner of his eye. He was just about to stand when the shadow drifted over him. "She still doesn't have her memory back?"

"Why do you care?" he muttered to the ground before slowly bringing his eyes to the fox witch judge as she leaned over the fence again.

"Simply asking, not entirely caring," she lilted back lightly.

"Then maybe it's none of your business." Soul let his eyes fall back to his fingers, touching at a lifeless fizzled grey mess that he assumed at one time had been a blossom. It looked pathetic now, attached to leaves that while shaped beautifully seemed to lack color entirely.

"Curses usually have to be maintained," the voice came absent of any particular emotion, and Soul oddly heard a Stein lesson playing back in his mind. "If they're not, the obstruction should be completely dissipated, bringing the subject back to their natural state."

"So I heard," Soul mumbled.

"Though," she made sure to pause, to bring Soul's eyes back to her as he tried to mute the hopefulness. "Sometimes the subject gets _stuck_. It's odd, and usually completely random."

"In other words, can't do shit for it," he spat back at her and no matter how much he willed it not to, his heart lurched in his chest. _I'm not thinkin' about this anymore. Maka is Maka, that's what I decided. That's why I kissed her again because she said she loved me and… that has to be the truth._

"Magic usually needs to be fought with magic," she answered back easily.

The frustration tightened his gut as he brought desperate eyes back to his fingers. "That's up to her."

"What's up to me?" Maka was suddenly kneeling beside him, book and notes entirely gone as her hands reached towards his.

Soul risked a glance back at where the witch had been, finding it blank just as he had expected. "Nothin'."

"Soul," she chided.

"Fine," he huffed. "I think that witch was tryin' to make me think there's some cure for you, but… I don't want you thinkin' that anything about that changes how I feel." The words took so much of his strength to muster that his eyes hadn't the nerve to go to hers, just settling on their hands. "I… you said you love me, and that's what matters to me so anything else… is up to you."

"Hey," her murmur was dangerously close to his ear. The sweetness of her voice fed his courage enough, letting him turn his head to face her just in time for her lips to lock with his.

"Maka," he breathed after she released him, his fingers digging helplessly into the dirt. He wanted to grab her, hold her, but the sweat and the grime along with the way her kiss seemed to sap him of all reason left him just settling in the dust.

"I'd do anything to get those memories back." Maka didn't seem to notice the muck on his shirt, just gripping into the fabric to steady him. "I know it still hurts you that-"

"Nah," he cut in with a short laugh. "Don't get me wrong, it did, but you decided you loved me even without them, that it was somethin' you felt no matter what and maybe…" Soul lifted his hands, rubbing them on his pants before letting his still stained fingers grasp into hers. "Maybe I was just hopin' that even without our past the way we are together, the things I do for you, they convinced you."

"Convinced me of what?" Maka let him gather her hands up to worry his fingers into her palms.

"That I was good enough for you."

Maka felt the snap echo down to her core, the tearing of a piece of her heart as she watched his eyes weakly flutter away, the dismay tainting what she knew could be a beautiful smile.

 _Why would you ever think that?_ The trapped Maka mourned. _Why would you ever think that you'd never be enough for me?_

"Sorry," he jumped in to correct himself in the face of her silence. "That's pretty fuckin' sappy, huh? Just-"

"There's nothing wrong with you," Maka snapped at him as she tugged his hands.

Soul's eyebrows jumped in reply. "Maka-"

"No," she pressed back. "Maybe you can be lazy, and you don't study, and you definitely don't know when to _stop_ being sarcastic-"

"I'm hearin' a lot of bad here," he grumbled.

"And grumpy!" Maka accused but a tender smile started to stretch across her face. "But I think I actually _like_ all of that about you. It's kind of part of you and it- I don't know- balances all the rest of it. You're grumpy but only so that I don't notice you're being sweet because for some reason you don't seem to _like_ people to know you're doing something for them. Because even though you want people to think you're cool you don't seem to want them to notice you either. It's… weird, but part of what I like- the little things."

A weak laugh pressed from his lips as his eyebrows fell into a crinkle. "You know, you sound pretty crazy ramblin' like that."

"Fine, I'll sound crazy," she added an indignant roll of her eyes, "but I want you to take it back. I don't want you to say things like that. I'd tell you not to think them but something tells me your brain is always working, but saying it, Soul, it's like lying because, well, it _is_ lying. You're more than enough."

It was a beautiful kind of defeat in his sigh. "You don't know when to quit, do you?"

"No," she shook her head firmly as she let her eyes wander over the work he'd done today. "Mostly because you don't seem to, either. Let's go home. I think you did more than enough for today." Her eyes glanced over the dirt. "Oh, look! These leaves are so pretty."

"Easily distracted, too," he grumbled as he followed her gaze back to what had been the grayed mess he'd held between his fingers just a few moments ago. "Huh, thought that was dead."

Maka shrugged as she gently fingered the delicate pattern of veins in the barely green leaves. "It's just one, so maybe you missed it. I wonder what this is…" Maka was almost instantly on her feet and scooting back towards her books.

"Maka Albarn," he complained. "I thought you said we were going home!"

"Just one more!"

Soul gave chase, stumbling out of the dirt, dusting off as he moved down the row. "No," he groaned as he finally caught up with her, forcefully pressing the books back in her bag. "I'm tired. I'm hot. I'm sweaty." He grunted out complaints as he forgot the closeness in his need to move her along.

It was entirely not lost on Maka as she leaned into him, letting his arms have free rein as they slipped around her to negotiate the texts. Her back fit against his chest and while her cheeks flared red his hands still ignorantly fumbled to close her bag. When everything was away he suddenly realized her lack of fussing and the distinctive way her curves dipped into him.

"Soul…"

"Quit it," he murmured but instead of inching away his face slid closer until his cheek was against hers, the perspiration sticking between their skin. She could feel him trembling but his arms still circled her, pulling her tightly back. "Is this… this is OK?"

Maka hummed out a sweet affirmative.

"Hot and sweaty and _this_ isn't helping but," he murmured it all like utter nonsense, his voice dipping as he continued to press his cheek into hers. "This… is normal. Like you kissin' me is fine even if some witches are probably out there watchin'."

"Are you telling me or yourself?" Maka ran a finger along his arm that had hooked around her waist, watching as the goosebumps rose.

"Maybe both?" he offered with a weak laugh. "I- I want this, Maka. Memories or no. I mean it."

"I know you do," Maka murmured and took another breath's time to treasure the way his skin tingled against hers. "Let's go home."


End file.
